A Special Legal edition of the Dick-tionary
Rob (and Twilight) fans have an especially heavy concentration among legal professionals. Why is that? Could it because attorneys and judges have all passed the bar exam — bars being something that Rob excels in? Could it be because legal professionals are all suckers for a man who looks ridiculously hot in a suit? Perhaps legal practitioners are lured in given their inherent appreciation for a man who can rock bad boy scruff yet display a sweetness that is vicious in its hotness?
Whatever the reason, it is clear that Rob and his hotness have had a legal impact.
After all who could object to the hawtness displayed by LawyerRob? The way that he narrows his eyes when arguing, that stubborn set to his strong jaw, the way his lips move, little glimpses of that glorious tongue touching his lips as he makes oral argument — oh yeah, LawyerRob’s hawtness speaks for itself.
And who wouldn’t want to be sentenced to hard time by JudgeRob? Wouldn’t you love to provide JudgeRob with some community service? Imagine what those long fingers holding that gavel could do. I so want to see what is under those robes, don’t you?
(negligent) alienation of affection: The affect that Rob’s hawtness may have on married persons wherein a spouse becomes so affected by such hawtness that the spouse spends all of his or her time fantasizing about Rob, pursuing all things Rob, collecting all things Rob, to the extent that sexual relations with that person’s spouse and the love and affection formerly provided to that spouse are neglected. Not all states recognize this doctrine. Given Rob’s unintentional effect, such alienation is typically negligent as opposed to intentional.
A co-existing legal doctrine is that of Roblification of affection, wherein one’s marital relations become more frequent and intense as a result of exposure (ahem) to Rob porn. While (negligent) alienation of affection may lead to a Robtilmatum, Roblification of affection may satiate the non-Robsessed spouse and prevent marital disharmony.
Rob ipsa loquitur: etiology — Latin — meaning Rob’s hotness speaks for itself. A legal doctrine of demonstrating liability through circumstantial evidence. In usage, Rob ispa loquitur indicates that the attractiveness and virility of Rob is so evident, it speaks for itself and needs no further proof.
Robscenity: 1. Robporn that is so salacious that it has no redeeming social value. This is a concept that is very difficult to describe. Legal scholars indicate that the test for Robscenity can only be performed through visual evaluation of the possibly offending materials, i.e., “I know Robscenity when I see it.” However, because of the effect that Robporn has on viewers, the actual existence of Robscenity has never been proven, given the inherent social value of melting into a puddle of goo.
2. Term also used to describe derogatory statements about or concerning all things Rob-centric, even tangentially, that lack any factual basis and are inherently offensive. Example: ” How can you say that you hate beer and Hot Pockets, that’s a Robscenity!”
Robetrix: a woman who wants to have sexual relations with Rob. In usage, this terms may be used in a derogatory manner, i.e., “that girl who is always posting Robporn is such a Robetrix!”; however, negative connotations have lessened with the widespread acceptance of Rob’s hawtness and recognition that wanting to do dirty, dirty things with Rob is a natural response to such hotness.
sua sponte: etiology — Latin — meaning of it’s own will or motion. Used to describe actions prompted by Rob’s hawtness, especially by Rob porn. Example: When I saw those new pics of Rob on the rug, that peek of happy trail was enough to make my undies melt, sua sponte.
And now, continuing our series on the language of the Robsessed:
Mental Health and treatment edition
Robvelation (noun): What you experience when you find out that you are not alone in your Robsession and that there is a community of others who are just as Robsessed as you are.
RMS (noun): A syndrome that occurs before a televised red carpet event at which Rob will be appearing, caused by your excitement at the hopes of seeing him and hearing him speak, combined with your fear that you won’t. Symptoms include extreme anxiousness, spontaneous masturbation, and sleeping with your husband/significant other.
Robtervention (noun): When your friends and family members come together to confront you about their deep concerns regarding your Robsession, and attempt to put a stop to it. This is typically a result of your seriously neglect of them while you get your Robfixes.
Robtimatum (noun): A firm statement given to your significant other implying a threat if they try to deny you your Robfix, thus making them a Rob block. For example, denial of all blowjobs.
**Many thanks to @Susanchicago for her substantial contributions in this post
So hop on this gravy train! Email your sexiest/funniest idea to RobNipulations@gmail.com with a picture to Robnipulate. We’ll do our best to make your fantasies come alive!
Robnipulate (verb): to touch and/or retouch “Rob” with skillful hands, by the use of mechanical means.
Rob block (noun): Much like a cock block, a person who prevents you from getting your Rob on. See also: boss, family members, etc.
Obvious case of Rob blocking
Robrator (noun): a Rob shaped vibrator. This has MANY uses, we assure you.
Why yes, that is a vibrator in my pants…
(Source: Twilight Moonlighter)
Robsicle (noun): a fabulously tasty frozen Rob confection
Roblicious (adjective): the state of being as delicious as Rob
Robsturbate (verb): What we are all doing while looking at the above… Don’t bother denying it. You know you were.
Robgasm (noun): The obvious conclusion to Robsturbation.
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