Robnipulate (verb): to touch and/or retouch "Robert Pattinson" with skillful hands, by the use of mechanical means.

Author Archive

RobNip™ 67.1 – Say Anything Rob

Is that…Rob Dobler? OMG. It. Is. He’s only the combination of the two most lovable creatures known to womankind: Rob and Lloyd Dobler, the tender-hearted slacker hero from the modern classic Say Anything. And why is Rob looking so smug? Because he already has his life goals figured out. He knows that he doesn’t want to sell anything, buy anything, or process anything as a career. He doesn’t want to sell anything bought or processed, or buy anything sold or processed, or process anything sold, bought, or processed, or repair anything sold, bought, or processed. You know, as a career, he doesn’t want to do that.


Away in a manger,
no crib for His bed…

Wait, what? That’s not the baby Jesus. You know, if you’re starting to see Rob’s face just about everywhere you look, it might be time to step away from the Twilight. It might even be time for an intervention. Not like we’d know anything about being completely preoccupied by Robert Pattinson. Cos, yeah, we could give or take the guy, really. Give him some sugar or take him for a ride, that is.


RobNip™ 64.2 – Rudolph Rob

It’s Christmas Karaoke time at RobNips! And a one, and a two, and a three…

Robert the red-nosed reindeer,
is looking at us like WTF?
Why do you make these manips?
You don’t even earn make a buck!

All of my Brit Pack buddies,
Used to think I was cool,
Now they all read this blog,
and they point and laugh like fools…

Aw, we’d feel sorry for him if he didn’t look so darn adorable being the butt of our jokes. A butt we’d smack. Fondle. Pinch. Whatever. Jokes + Rob + butts = happy RobNips blog hoors is what we’re saying.

RobNip™ 63.1 – Holiday Rob

Joy to the world! It’s Holiday Rob.

We’re not sure about you guys, but we’re a tad more interested in unwrapping the package in the lower half of this picture. Just sayin. Annnnnd insert holiday-appropriate sexual innuendo about stuffing our stockings, being on the naughty list, and singing things like Oh Come All Ye Faithful.

RobNip™ 62.1 – Shake Weight Rob

Oooooh. Rob has found the newest workout routine… So I guess you just jerk that thing all around, whacking it back and forth and generally playing with it until you’re satisfied, right? It definitely looks like Rob is getting satisfied, that’s for sure…

RobNip™ 61.1 – Fashion Fail Rob

Back by unpopular demand, it’s Fashion Fail Week at RobNips!

To be honest, we don’t feel particularly sorry for Rob for having to wear this metrosexual monstrosity. Sympathy should instead be directed at the poor soul who had to wax this hairball of a man down to baby smoothness. Cos…yeah. A bitch could see her reflection in that blindingly shiny chest.

RobNip™ 60.4 – Lord Voldebert

Holy shit. There’s nothing scarier than Lord Voldebert. I feel like I need to avert my eyes, frankly.

Well, on the upside, if you like to be punished, Lord Voldebert is the man for you. Whether he’s having his followers carve words into your arms or merely spanking you whilst you are tied up, it should be a fun (and scary) time for all!

RobNip™ 60.1 – Harry Pottinson

To celebrate the release of Deathly Hallows, this week is a Salute to Harry Potter here at RobNips!

Jokes about his powerful magic wand aside, Harry Pottinson is pretty damn badass. He looks like he wants to fry some villains now and ask questions later. And there’s nothing cooler than a evil-hating, righteously avenging, pissed-off dude.

RobNip™ 59.3 – FanFic Writing Rob

Looks like Rob just thought of one awesome plot bunny. And not for nothing, but how many Twilight/Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle crossover fics have you read? We think dude might be writing the next MotU with that idea. Just sayin.

Speaking of fanfic that is packed full of originality and fucktabulous writing, check out these recommendations:

Breaking News
Two network news anchors. One desk. In a race to get the story, love might become the headline – if they don’t kill each other first. AU/AH Canon Couples, smart people, particle physics, and tap dancing. Rated M, Romance/Humor, Bella & Edward

On Grey Mornings
Bella’s tryst with power made her infamous. Hounded and ashamed, she’s back in Forks to start over again, but where do you find a clean slate when everyone who sees you already knows your biggest secret? AH, adult stuff. Rated M, Romance/Drama, Bella & Edward

Punch Drunk
Edward moves to Portland to start college and a new chapter in his life. After meeting a brown-eyed girl, he wonders if love is truly blind. AH, OOC, Rated M, Romance/Drama, Bella & Edward

Renfield and Chiclets
COMPLETE. Edward Cullen, PhD: brilliant, nerdy, mildly attractive, and obsessed with Blood and Vampires. Oh, and pervertedly horny. Join him as he searches for Ms. Right. AH/Severely OOC/Very M ***Citrus galore with a fun little plot*** Rated M, Romance/Humor, Bella & Edward

Some Life in Me
An accident claims the lives of Edward’s family. Unable to deal with his grief, he walks away from his life. He meets Bella, a young woman running from her past. He can help her. Can he return to his life? AH, Rated M, Romance/Drama, Bella & Edward

RobNip™ 57.5 – Mark Twain Rob

Our week-long salute to NaNoWriMo draws to a close today with Mark Twain Rob. The two men do have their similarities: unkempt hair and a tendency to skip shaving. I doubt the author born Samuel Clemens would have used a pseudonym as edgy as Spunk Ransom, but Twain was pretty badass back in the day. Twain was ‘bi-coastal’ way before that word ever existed, and was rumored to have a strong weakness for both pretty girls and alcohol. Sound familiar?