Robnipulate (verb): to touch and/or retouch "Robert Pattinson" with skillful hands, by the use of mechanical means.

Posts tagged “robgasm

RobNip™ 7.2 – Contractor Rob

Is your house/apartment/box falling down around you? Are you looking to make a few upgrades? Contractor Rob is here to help.


With those talented hands, ever efficient Contractor Rob can help you get anything you want. Want a new bathroom? Done. Want a new deck? Done. Want a no-holds barred screaming robgasm? Contractor Rob can get that done as well. And if you like things a little more rough, Contractor Rob already has protection. I’m talking about his hardhat, of course…

Fuckhawt Fanfic Monday: Bartender Rob

It’s Monday. And it’s been one of those Mondays. You know what you need — a little bit of comfort and kindness, to just let go of everything for a couple of hours. With that in mind, you text your girls to meet you at the corner bar and head over after work.

As you walk in, sliding onto a stool at the bar, your eyes widen when you see the new bartender asking you, “What’s your pleasure?” Ohmigod, it’s fuckhawt Bartender Rob. There’s something about the way his luscious lips wrap around the word “pleasure” that instantly makes you feel tingly in all the right places. It takes a moment for you to snap your mouth shut. You give him your order and can’t take your eyes off of him as his deftly mixes your drink with long, agile fingers that you can just imagine reaching across the bar to caress your face, moving down your neck, unbuttoning your blouse, pushing it open, skimming along your sides . . . You are snapped out of your reverie when he hands you a drink. He looks intently into your eyes and, as you are drowning in his, he asks you what’s wrong.

Before you know it, you are talking and laughing. It’s a slow night and he keeps your glass filled and you entertained. You slip easily into a conversation that somehow goes on for hours without you realizing it. At some point, you realize your girls never showed up, and you’re actually thankful. Every time he speaks, you watch his lips, imagining how they would feel on your neck There’s something about the scruff on his cheeks that makes you want to nuzzle into it. Almost of it’s own volition, your hand reaches out to touch the top of his chest. He puts his hand over yours, and announces last call without looking up from your eyes. Your mouth, something you used to control with some facility, inexplicably opens and blurts out, “You’re beautiful.” He licks his lips and smiles a gorgeous crooked smile, and somehow your entire focus is on that lovely pink tongue as it moves in slow motion, that full bottom lip, the angular lines of his jaw.

Other patrons file out, but he asks you to stay, and you do, still talking easily as he wipes down the bar. Suddenly, he’s in front of you and you’re pulling him to you, wrapping your legs around his waist. Common sense, work tomorrow, everything else flies out of your mind and you melt into Bartender Rob. Oh yeah, that’s the good stuff!

For more fuckhawt Bartender Rob…

Under the Influence, by Dopeshieet

Captive of a Bartender, by AcrossTheSkyInStars

Olympic Rain and Novocain, by AddiCakes

He’s Just Not That Into You, by MkGrays

Distractions, by Sic Et Non (needs a beta reader, but pretty well written)

Hey Cowboy
, by amgglekim

Sophisticated, To the Point, Effective, by AprilAnne

Don’t You Want Me?, by Ruby-Wednesday

White Horse, by FoxxCRUSH

Robster’s Dick-tionary – Lesson # 2

All right, class, quiet down and take your seats. Today we will be continuing your lesson in the language of the Robsessed. Take out a pencil, a piece of paper, and, of course, your Robster’s Dick-tionary so we can get started…



Oh, I see you do…

Well, in any event, on with the show!

Robfix (noun): Something that feeds your craving for Rob and which may result in Robgasms, such as watching fuckhawt videos made by your fellow Robsessed:

Bad Things, by @RobsButtonsBabe

Buttons, by @RobsButtonsBabe

Robginity (noun): What you lose on the momentous day that you fall for Rob and begin having naughty, naughty thoughts of what you want to do with and/or to him.

Robnial (noun): Refusing to entertain the thought that Rob dates, has sex with, or even looks at anyone besides you, thus allowing you to continue your naughty Rob fantasies.

This concludes today’s lesson. Before you go, I want to remind you that I’ll be conducting your one-on-one oral examinations tomorrow. You need to be prepared to take it all, because this is definitely going to be the biggest one you’ve ever had. Class dismissed.

**Many thanks to @Susanchicago for her contributions in this post!

RobNip™ 1.3 – A weekend with Hotel Rob

Sometimes you just need to get away from it all. And when you do, BellboyRob is here to take care of you.
He’ll carry your bags…
And then carry you to bed.

But first, take a cue from this little girl, and check out his package.
That’ll get things started.

Always be sure to give him a generous TIP!
Some extra nice tips that we suggest:

1) Invite him to CUM in your room for a mind blowing game of Strip Poker or Naked Twister
2) Slide him your silk panties
3) Carelessly *COUGHonpurposeCOUGH* drop a $10 bill. Then bend over and show him what you’re NOT wearing under your miniskirt…

A little visual…

Since you’re only human, you’ll eventually need some sustenance to keep up the crazy pace. RoomServiceRob is here to feed you, and then service you in any way you require…

You may be wondering, as we did, what is on RoomServiceRob’s menu?

  • Eggs BeneDICK
  • RoTITSerie Chicken
  • Cherry Poppin’ Pie
  • WHIPped Cream
  • Heineken, of course
And, lastly, the appropriate conclusion to any fun-filled evening: Robgasms for All!

**Much thanks to @FireCr0tch and @Just_Christy for their creative and perv-a-licious suggestions with no notice**

RobNip™ 1.1 – Rob is in your bed

No really, go look.

He’s ready and waitin’ for you. Who can resist this fuckhawtness? Stronger women than us!

This RobNip was created at the request of @Melainii

However, Rob in your bed is one of our most popular requests! So @Melainii can’t have all the fun…

These next two manips, which epitomize fuckhawtness, were requested by that dirty bitch @xxooandcookies


Drink it in, bitches! Go head and robsturbate. We’ll turn our heads. Robgasms for all!

Remember, we’re here to make your fantasies come to life. Email your wishes to with a picture to Robnipulate. We’ll do our best to make them come true.

Please also remember to be respectful with your requests. We receive many requests, and it is not always possible to create exactly what you want, especially if you don’t give picture inspiration. Thanks!

The first fucktastic post

Have you ever wished that this…
was really this?

If so, you may have just found your safe haven!
What makes Rob-Nipulations so fucktastic? Because Rob-Nipulations is all about YOU. That’s right, you. We want to make your dreams come true! (we may or may not use our influence on @RobsButtonsBabe to make some of our dreams come true too…)

So hop on this gravy train! Email your sexiest/funniest idea to with a picture to Robnipulate. We’ll do our best to make your fantasies come alive!

Now, as you probably know — since you are clearly enamored enough of Rob to have found your way here — the Robsessed have our own language. To help you make the often difficult transition from “casual fan” to completely Robsessed, we’ve taken it upon ourselves to help de-code some language from the Robster Dictionary that you may have heard recently…
Of course, when we say Robster, we aren’t talking about him…

(although we would tap old Robster anytime)

We’re actually talking about HIM…

Alright. To begin your education, the following are some of the entries in the Robster Dictionary:

Robnipulate (verb): to touch and/or retouch “Rob” with skillful hands, by the use of mechanical means.

Rob demonstrates Robnipulation.

Rob block (noun): Much like a cock block, a person who prevents you from getting your Rob on. See also: boss, family members, etc.

Obvious case of Rob blocking

Robrator (noun): a Rob shaped vibrator. This has MANY uses, we assure you.

Why yes, that is a vibrator in my pants…
(Source: Twilight Moonlighter)

Robsicle (noun): a fabulously tasty frozen Rob confection

We wantz it too. sigh

Roblicious (adjective): the state of being as delicious as Rob

Grrr. Arrrgh. He makes us want to pillage him.

Robsturbate (verb): What we are all doing while looking at the above… Don’t bother denying it. You know you were.

Robgasm (noun): The obvious conclusion to Robsturbation.

Love it? Hate it? Let us know. Email or find us on Twitter!

Thanks to @ stephanyyyx3, @Kortnii, @ Bandmum1, @julieperk, @ceridwen28, @chancecc, and @ LoveySydney for their help coming up with rob-words!