Robnipulate (verb): to touch and/or retouch "Robert Pattinson" with skillful hands, by the use of mechanical means.

Posts tagged “Rob is SO fuckhawt

RobNip™ 18.2 – Bel Ami Rob

As you know, this week, in addition to celebrating the Robeard, we are also celebrating Rob’s upcoming role in Bel Ami!

We’re incredibly excited for this movie (and the pictures from the set), for a number of reasons.

1. There is sex. Lots of it. TONS of it. The story is about a man who sleeps his way to success. What’s not to love about that?!

2. Rob will once again be in period costume. Remember how hot he was in (his deleted scene in) Vanity Fair? Fuckhawt! God damn, I’m gonna need a few minutes to recover. Tight-fitting pants, billowing shirts, etc. Gah! I’m not sure I’ll be able to handle it.

3. The only thing better than period costumes (or tight fitting jeans). NUDITY. Now, this is complete speculation on our parts, but girls can dream, can’t they? I think it would be completely appropriate for Rob to have a nude scene or 10.  He’s already shown a willingness to be nude in other parts (yes, I’m referring to “the tuck.” countdown to group shudder in 3… 2… 1…). But seriously. Now that studios have shown a willingness to put full male frontal in movies — Sex and the City or Scary Movie, anyone? — we think we have a good case. Honestly, what would make for a bigger box office than period dressed Rob peen?!

And so now we go back to imagining that that is us in the above picture. Join us tomorrow for more of @robsbuttonsbabe’s artistic renderings of what we’re hoping for in Bel Ami.


RobNip™ 18.1 – Bel Ami Rob

How refreshing! Soon we will be able to see a man sleeping his way to the top. That’s right, Rob’s performance in Bel Ami will be something to behold.

Whether Duroy Rob is taking a lady in a stagecoach or engaging in a threesome, it’s fairly clear that there will be no shortage of volunteers to help him make it to the top…

Any takers?


Fuckhawt Fanfic Monday: Dirty Cowboy Rob

Dirty Cowboy Rob. Gah!

From his dusty brown boots to the hat that he dips whenever he looks your way, Cowboy Rob is delectable in every way.

You know, you just can’t find a body like that in the city. There’s just something in the way that Cowboy Rob fills out those Wrangler jeans… It just makes you want to jump on top and ride him all night.

Hot damn that’s good! Cowboy Rob has strength and stamina to spare. Lucky for you, he’ll last far, far longer than 8 seconds. And at the end of a long, sweaty night, you just wanna say “good ride, cowboy, good ride.”

Cowboy Rob Fuckhawt Fanfic: That’s right, we’re FF pushers. Just give in.

All Hallow’s Eve by RobotMoose

Kinky Cowboy by ZOMGamber (Warning, slash: Jasper/Edward)

A New Frontier by Melolabel

Cheerleading Isn’t So Easy by Twilightx28

I Want to be a Cowboy, Baby by Brunettezki

Cowboy Up Revamped! by BetsyStrothgard

Wild Horses by HRHLadyEsme

Definitely check out the “Save a Horse, Ride a Cowboy” community! Make sure to set the rating at M to get all of the lemony goodness!


Fuckhawt Fanfic Monday: Musician Rob

You’re heading to your favorite bar. It’s one of those nights — your skin feels electric, your skirt is short, and you just know something good is going to happen.  You walk in and head to the bar, ordering something yummy and decadent and likely to loosen your inhibitions. Just as you reach for your drink, you hear the opening chords of a song, and a voice both sultry and heavenly comes over the PA system, somehow reaching through your ears, down your body, and resonating deep within.  You turn to see the source of this music . There, on a stage across the bar, is Musician Rob.  He closes his soulful eyes as he croons, long lashes nearly brushing his cheeks. You watch his hands deftly play the guitar, shadows along his jaw, the way his throat moves as he sings. You are instantly captivated.

What girl doesn’t have a weakness for a boy with a guitar?

You body feels warm, you become lightheaded. Musician Rob struts on the stage, all charisma and magnetism and fuckhawtness rolled into one.  There’s something almost sinful about the way his jeans hang off his hips, the way the muscles in his forearms flex while he plays.  When the band takes a break, you boldly decide to send Musician Rob a beer.  As the server points you out while giving him the beer, you catch his eye and he smolders at you intensely, a devilish smile playing across those succulent lips, hinting that he might more than reciprocate your gesture.

When the band starts playing again, you watch Musician Rob intently, never taking your eyes from him.  And as the set progresses, you catch him watching you, eye-fucking you in return. Suddenly, you are feeling the beat of the music in some very interesting places.

When the band is done playing, Musician Rob approaches you and thanks you for the drink. You can barely stammer out a response, flushing warm, as your body vibrates with his proximity. He smirks again, sensing the state you are in.  And after last call, Musician Rob decides to follow you home for a private concert….

GuitarRob

Fuckhawt Musician Rob fanfic:

Tropic of Virgo by In.a.blue.bathrobe

The Heart of a Musician by oceandaydreamer

Taboo by kuntrygal

Stepping Out by StupidUnreliableFanpire

In Stereo by Twilighter620

What’s Good, What’s True by Bitter Shade

Refuse & Resist by Thistles Undone

The Screamers by KiyaRaven

Off Limits by lexiecullen17

The Lost Boys by hwimsey

You Found Me by brighteyes87


Fuckhawt Fanfic Monday: Fireman Rob

What’s the cause of that 4-alarm fire? Why, the hawtness of Fireman Rob, of course! (and his trusty sidekicks…)


Fireman Rob can’t help but cause sparks to fly. When he’s called to action, there’s nothing quite like watching him slide down and handle that pole. Those agile fingers are perfect for handling all kinds of equipment, and who wouldn’t want to feel those strong arms wrapped around them? When he’s done with work, you just wanna help him pull off those layers, pull down those sexpenders, and pull him into the shower to wash off the smoke and soot.

Another benefit of Fireman Rob — -he’s always ready to respond, 24 hours a day, seven days a week. Better get your fireproof panties ready!

Fuckhawt Firemen Fanfic:

Stop, Drop, and Roll by Bronzehairedgirl620

Escape Our Fates by ClumsyInLove

Capturing the Flame by Bronzehairedgirl620 and Daddy’s Little Cannibal

The Epic TRated One: Sparks May Fly by EdwardsTrueLove1901

Trial By Fire by blackgem88

Broken Wings, Fallen Angel by BellaMadonna

Cooking with Fire by In love with a Crooked Smile

A Change of Heart by icegem100


Fuckhawt Fanfic Monday: Geekward Rob

First off, a hearty (with extra vibe!) welcome to @amberchagrined, our newest co-blogger on RobNips! @amberchagrined has a extra special place in her *ahem* heart for Geekward Rob…

Remember that day that both Twitter and Facebook were down? Somehow we made it through several consecutive hours of no access to Robporn or our fellow Robficionados, but we did not escape unscathed. Remember the Great Photo Blackout of Summer ’09? Devastation abounded. We truly are dependent on our electronically delivered Rob smut.

The truth is that our enjoyment of all things Rob is intrinsically linked to technology – the scans of photos and the photos themselves disseminated on Twitter and various Rob-centric sites daily; computers that hold our stashes of the Rob goods; Ipods and mp3 players loaded with Rob movies and songs; and even the wallpapers and ringers on our cell phones — all deliver a constant stream of Rob-goodness.

But have you ever woken up, ready to get your daily Rob fix online, only to discover that your COMPUTER IS NOT WORKING?! Panic sets in. What do you need? You know EXACTLY what you need — Geekward Rob. Not only will he service all of your hardware and software issues, he’s adorably clumsy and awkward in your presence. Yes, Geekward Rob can administer my network any time. While you may need him to tend to your technology issues, he needs you to school him in other, more human, matters. Private tutoring has never been this much fun.

Geekward Rob is working right now to bring you MORE Rob.

Geekward Definitions:

chagrin — that sinking feeling one experiences in the pit of one’s stomach when the IT department of one’s employer notices the huge file folder on the hard drive of one’s work computer named RobPorn

dazzled – the slightly euphoric and pleasant emotion associated with exposure to all things Rob, including exposure via the use of technology

hard drive — a device that allows one to save Geekward Rob-related media in various forms; also the effect that such media may have on one’s libido

The Geek-Word

So, for those of us who like to get our freak on with Geekward Rob, check out these fuckhawt fanfics.


RobNip™ 1.1 – Rob is in your bed

No really, go look.

He’s ready and waitin’ for you. Who can resist this fuckhawtness? Stronger women than us!

This RobNip was created at the request of @Melainii

However, Rob in your bed is one of our most popular requests! So @Melainii can’t have all the fun…

These next two manips, which epitomize fuckhawtness, were requested by that dirty bitch @xxooandcookies


Wowza.

Drink it in, bitches! Go head and robsturbate. We’ll turn our heads. Robgasms for all!

Remember, we’re here to make your fantasies come to life. Email your wishes to RobNipulations@gmail.com with a picture to Robnipulate. We’ll do our best to make them come true.

Please also remember to be respectful with your requests. We receive many requests, and it is not always possible to create exactly what you want, especially if you don’t give picture inspiration. Thanks!


The first fucktastic post

Have you ever wished that this…
was really this?

If so, you may have just found your safe haven!
What makes Rob-Nipulations so fucktastic? Because Rob-Nipulations is all about YOU. That’s right, you. We want to make your dreams come true! (we may or may not use our influence on @RobsButtonsBabe to make some of our dreams come true too…)

So hop on this gravy train! Email your sexiest/funniest idea to RobNipulations@gmail.com with a picture to Robnipulate. We’ll do our best to make your fantasies come alive!

Now, as you probably know — since you are clearly enamored enough of Rob to have found your way here — the Robsessed have our own language. To help you make the often difficult transition from “casual fan” to completely Robsessed, we’ve taken it upon ourselves to help de-code some language from the Robster Dictionary that you may have heard recently…
Of course, when we say Robster, we aren’t talking about him…


(although we would tap old Robster anytime)

We’re actually talking about HIM…

Alright. To begin your education, the following are some of the entries in the Robster Dictionary:

Robnipulate (verb): to touch and/or retouch “Rob” with skillful hands, by the use of mechanical means.

Rob demonstrates Robnipulation.

Rob block (noun): Much like a cock block, a person who prevents you from getting your Rob on. See also: boss, family members, etc.

Obvious case of Rob blocking

Robrator (noun): a Rob shaped vibrator. This has MANY uses, we assure you.


Why yes, that is a vibrator in my pants…
(Source: Twilight Moonlighter)

Robsicle (noun): a fabulously tasty frozen Rob confection


We wantz it too. sigh

Roblicious (adjective): the state of being as delicious as Rob


Grrr. Arrrgh. He makes us want to pillage him.

Robsturbate (verb): What we are all doing while looking at the above… Don’t bother denying it. You know you were.

Robgasm (noun): The obvious conclusion to Robsturbation.

Love it? Hate it? Let us know. Email or find us on Twitter!

Thanks to @ stephanyyyx3, @Kortnii, @ Bandmum1, @julieperk, @ceridwen28, @chancecc, and @ LoveySydney for their help coming up with rob-words!