Yes, lucky readers, it’s time for us to once again turn to the Robster’s Dickionary for more important terms. We here at RobNipulations are dedicated to increasing your vocabulary. Today’s topic is something close to all of our hearts — the PENIS.
We present you with this list of penis euphemisms, and some Rob-related commentary
A – Ass Cleaver (This is one of Rob’s BFF’s favorites)
B – Big Boy Beanpole (Magical, and grows so big and tall – just like in a fairy tale)
C – Chicksicle ( You like ’em cold and sparkly, right? And perfect for licking!)
E – Elephant Trunk (That’s what Water for Elephants is about, right?)
F – Fallopian Fiddler (Play my parts anytime, baby!)
G – Godzilla (*smirk* @RebyKay)
H – Heat-Seeking Moisture Missile (What can I say? Hot, moist — exactly!)
I – Impregnator Injector (Shoot me up anytime)
J – Joy Juicer (Nom nom nom)
K – King Dong (Clearly)
L – Lickin’ Stick (It’s like I always say, ell eye LICKY see kay LICKY why)
M – Melon Baster (*splash*)
N – Nine Inch Nudger (Ummm, yes, please!)
O – One-Eyed Wonder Worm (the Eighth – or eight inch? – Wonder of the World)
P – Purple Pulsating Pillar of Power (Purple is cool.)
Q – Quantum Jizzix (My preferred area of study)
R – Robinator (Always, always — he cums back!)
S – Sparkly Tickler (You want to know if he really sparkles down there, dontcha?)
T – Tom’s Toy Thumb (Heh)
U – Uterus Unicorn (Y’all remember Prancing Unicorn Rob, right?)
V – Vulva Volvo (Mmm, you can park your Volva in my special place)
W – Womb Warrior (Always ready to conquer)
X – Xstacy Stick (You know some stickin’ would cause some ecstacy!)
Y – Yum Yang (Like Chinese food — you eat some and you always want some more later)
Z – Zamboner (Absolutely necessary to keep one’s special rink open for play)
The soundtrack for today’s post is clearly Shontelle’s Licky (Under the Covers)
Thanks to @thedailydogfood, @sarahnxx, and @RobsButtonsBabe for entries. Thanks also to the Elitefitness.com forum and various sites on the interwebs for inspiration and terms as well!
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It’s finally time for another Robster’s Dicktionary! Yay! Mmmmmm. Robster.
Ahem. I mean Robster….
Robception (noun): when a member of the Robsessed manages to run into Rob somewhere and give him a little what for…
Penalty (noun): what happens when a member of the Robsessed shows Rob a little bit too much fangirling action. Dean is forced to step in and give them a penalty.
Tuck rule (noun): A rule stating that Rob shall nevermore take part in any action which could be perceived to be a “Tuck.” (Did you know this is a rule in American football? I did not…)
Scrum (noun): the look of having just rolled out of bed after a night of beer, hot pockets, and loose women, worn by both Rob and TomStu. (Doesn’t this word just sound dirty?!)
RBI (noun): Rob’s Balls In! (Way more fun than that stupid baseball definition…)
Spread Eagle (noun): (1) What my legs involuntarily do when looking at Rob porn… (2) Preferable Rob positioning after too much beer (see scrum).
Wiffle bat (noun) : term of affection for any plastic, rubber, and/or silicone phallus-shaped object used by women after viewing Rob Porn. Usage: Beks named her new purple wiffle bat “Rob,” ’cause it’s long and strong, just like Rob’s own.
We hope you join us again soon, for another round of Robster’s Dicktionary!!
Today we are continuing your Rob education (or Robucation, if you will) by giving you some more entries in the Robster Dicktionary:
Bel Ami style
Du Rob/Du bert (proper noun): Despite the actual name of Rob’s character being Du Roy, that’s just not robsessive enough.
Faux sex (noun, with adjective): What Rob will be having during the filming of Bel Ami, much to his chagrin. Lots of hot, up against the wall, in a stagecoach… faux sex.
Mustache rides (noun/verb, depending on usage): What Rob’s character, Du Rob, will be graciously providing for the female characters in Bel Ami. Doesn’t he look excited already?!
Robfair (verb): The act of having a physical (or, more likely, emotional, psychological, drug-induced) affair with Robert Pattinson. See also, robgasms, robnial, robtimatums and robterventions.
Adultery (noun): What Rob will repeatedly be committing as Du Rob in Bel Ami. Damned if we can’t wait for it!
Jealousy (noun): What we feel every time there is a rumor that Rob has hooked up with another hot young thing (even if we just hear that some new chick gets to make out with him for a bit). Bitches.
Thanks to the people who helped think up new entries in the Robster Dicktionary!!
@spidermonkey00 @Tedracat @VancityLili @callsignC30
A Special Legal edition of the Dick-tionary
Rob (and Twilight) fans have an especially heavy concentration among legal professionals. Why is that? Could it because attorneys and judges have all passed the bar exam — bars being something that Rob excels in? Could it be because legal professionals are all suckers for a man who looks ridiculously hot in a suit? Perhaps legal practitioners are lured in given their inherent appreciation for a man who can rock bad boy scruff yet display a sweetness that is vicious in its hotness?
Whatever the reason, it is clear that Rob and his hotness have had a legal impact.
After all who could object to the hawtness displayed by LawyerRob? The way that he narrows his eyes when arguing, that stubborn set to his strong jaw, the way his lips move, little glimpses of that glorious tongue touching his lips as he makes oral argument — oh yeah, LawyerRob’s hawtness speaks for itself.
And who wouldn’t want to be sentenced to hard time by JudgeRob? Wouldn’t you love to provide JudgeRob with some community service? Imagine what those long fingers holding that gavel could do. I so want to see what is under those robes, don’t you?
(negligent) alienation of affection: The affect that Rob’s hawtness may have on married persons wherein a spouse becomes so affected by such hawtness that the spouse spends all of his or her time fantasizing about Rob, pursuing all things Rob, collecting all things Rob, to the extent that sexual relations with that person’s spouse and the love and affection formerly provided to that spouse are neglected. Not all states recognize this doctrine. Given Rob’s unintentional effect, such alienation is typically negligent as opposed to intentional.
A co-existing legal doctrine is that of Roblification of affection, wherein one’s marital relations become more frequent and intense as a result of exposure (ahem) to Rob porn. While (negligent) alienation of affection may lead to a Robtilmatum, Roblification of affection may satiate the non-Robsessed spouse and prevent marital disharmony.
Rob ipsa loquitur: etiology — Latin — meaning Rob’s hotness speaks for itself. A legal doctrine of demonstrating liability through circumstantial evidence. In usage, Rob ispa loquitur indicates that the attractiveness and virility of Rob is so evident, it speaks for itself and needs no further proof.
Robscenity: 1. Robporn that is so salacious that it has no redeeming social value. This is a concept that is very difficult to describe. Legal scholars indicate that the test for Robscenity can only be performed through visual evaluation of the possibly offending materials, i.e., “I know Robscenity when I see it.” However, because of the effect that Robporn has on viewers, the actual existence of Robscenity has never been proven, given the inherent social value of melting into a puddle of goo.
2. Term also used to describe derogatory statements about or concerning all things Rob-centric, even tangentially, that lack any factual basis and are inherently offensive. Example: ” How can you say that you hate beer and Hot Pockets, that’s a Robscenity!”
Robetrix: a woman who wants to have sexual relations with Rob. In usage, this terms may be used in a derogatory manner, i.e., “that girl who is always posting Robporn is such a Robetrix!”; however, negative connotations have lessened with the widespread acceptance of Rob’s hawtness and recognition that wanting to do dirty, dirty things with Rob is a natural response to such hotness.
sua sponte: etiology — Latin — meaning of it’s own will or motion. Used to describe actions prompted by Rob’s hawtness, especially by Rob porn. Example: When I saw those new pics of Rob on the rug, that peek of happy trail was enough to make my undies melt, sua sponte.
And now, continuing our series on the language of the Robsessed:
Mental Health and treatment edition
Robvelation (noun): What you experience when you find out that you are not alone in your Robsession and that there is a community of others who are just as Robsessed as you are.
RMS (noun): A syndrome that occurs before a televised red carpet event at which Rob will be appearing, caused by your excitement at the hopes of seeing him and hearing him speak, combined with your fear that you won’t. Symptoms include extreme anxiousness, spontaneous masturbation, and sleeping with your husband/significant other.
Robtervention (noun): When your friends and family members come together to confront you about their deep concerns regarding your Robsession, and attempt to put a stop to it. This is typically a result of your seriously neglect of them while you get your Robfixes.
Robtimatum (noun): A firm statement given to your significant other implying a threat if they try to deny you your Robfix, thus making them a Rob block. For example, denial of all blowjobs.
**Many thanks to @Susanchicago for her substantial contributions in this post
All right, class, quiet down and take your seats. Today we will be continuing your lesson in the language of the Robsessed. Take out a pencil, a piece of paper, and, of course, your Robster’s Dick-tionary so we can get started…
I SAID QUIET DOWN, PEOPLE! YOU DON’T WANT ME TO WHIP OUT MY RULER AND SPANK YOU, DO YOU?!
Oh, I see you do…
Well, in any event, on with the show!
Robfix (noun): Something that feeds your craving for Rob and which may result in Robgasms, such as watching fuckhawt videos made by your fellow Robsessed:
Bad Things, by @RobsButtonsBabe
Buttons, by @RobsButtonsBabe
Robginity (noun): What you lose on the momentous day that you fall for Rob and begin having naughty, naughty thoughts of what you want to do with and/or to him.
Robnial (noun): Refusing to entertain the thought that Rob dates, has sex with, or even looks at anyone besides you, thus allowing you to continue your naughty Rob fantasies.
This concludes today’s lesson. Before you go, I want to remind you that I’ll be conducting your one-on-one oral examinations tomorrow. You need to be prepared to take it all, because this is definitely going to be the biggest one you’ve ever had. Class dismissed.
**Many thanks to @Susanchicago for her contributions in this post!
So hop on this gravy train! Email your sexiest/funniest idea to RobNipulations@gmail.com with a picture to Robnipulate. We’ll do our best to make your fantasies come alive!
Robnipulate (verb): to touch and/or retouch “Rob” with skillful hands, by the use of mechanical means.
Rob block (noun): Much like a cock block, a person who prevents you from getting your Rob on. See also: boss, family members, etc.
Obvious case of Rob blocking
Robrator (noun): a Rob shaped vibrator. This has MANY uses, we assure you.
Why yes, that is a vibrator in my pants…
(Source: Twilight Moonlighter)
Robsicle (noun): a fabulously tasty frozen Rob confection
Roblicious (adjective): the state of being as delicious as Rob
Robsturbate (verb): What we are all doing while looking at the above… Don’t bother denying it. You know you were.
Robgasm (noun): The obvious conclusion to Robsturbation.
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