Robnipulate (verb): to touch and/or retouch "Robert Pattinson" with skillful hands, by the use of mechanical means.

Author Archive

RobNip™ 66.3 – Rob’s Word of Advice re: Fitness

Our next question is from someone who made a New Year’s resolution to get in shape…

Question: Rob do you have any fitness tips?

Rob says: It’s very important to watch your diet and keep hydrated. I prefer Hot Pockets and Heinekens – the food and drink of champions. I also suggest airbrushing. That’s essential to my fitness routine.


Well that’s some more great advice! Airbrushing those bulges and stretch marks will make all the difference!

Stay tuned for more of Rob’s Words of Advice!

RobNip™ 66.2 – Rob’s Word of Advice re: Formal Occasions

Our next question comes from someone seeking Rob’s expertise in looking good for special occasions.

Question: I have semi-formal occasion coming up. I’m very nervous and don’t know what to wear.

Rob says: I suggest a smart fitting suit and shimmer powder.

Good advice, Rob! That always works brilliantly! I’m sure the questioner’s date will love it!

RobNip™ 65.3 – New Years Ball Drop Rob

Yup, balls to the wall today, because these balls are gonna DROP!!

Looks like Rob’s a little concerned tho… he’s jumping ship early — probably in an effort to protect his OWN balls! Alright everyone, do your part and help Rob keep his balls from dropping! Keep those sacred balls safe!!

Happy New Years Eve!!

RobNip™ 65.1 – Fuck Hawt FanFic Monday: Priest Rob

Today we’re getting back in the habit with Priest Rob!

Yes, it’s that time. Time to worship at the feet of Priest Rob. Well, maybe I won’t be worshiping his feet…. I would certainly rather be worshiping another part of his body while I’m down there on my knees :p

Some filthy words for your reading pleasure:

Confessions by luvrofink

Bring On The Wonder by Bronzehyperion

Sinned by PeteTheMagicalUnicorn

**This manip was specially made for Biel 🙂 **

RobNip™ 63.3 – 12 days of Robmas, 2010 edition

On the 12 days of Robmas, Rob’s true love (me, natch) gave to him…

One rpattz blowup doll (for sexy times!)

The bestest buddies evah!

Three friends to jam with

Four white boy rappers

Five raaaaaaare guitars!!!! (from Norman’s, of course)

Six shared pairs of Sambas

Seven (thousand) “I’m Bella” delusions written in blood (I didn’t do this, really. And I hope it’s not really blood.)

Eight+ reasons for restraining orders (that’s not me, I swear)

Nine Twilight cakes (that say Darlene, sorry)

Ten drunken nights (and many more!)

Eleventy million jumping Rob memes

and a

12 pack of Heineken!!

RobNip™ 62.3 – Sledding Rob and Tom

Jingle balls, jingle balls, jingle all the waaaaaay!

Oh, is that not how the song goes? Mah bad. It’s just when I look at this picture of two fabulous looking young men, it just makes my thoughts go south. Not to Florida, to their crotches. There’s nothing that winter brings to mind for me more than snow balls. Jingle balls. Any balls. But specifically, man balls.

Mmmm, I’m so ready to jingle those balls right now. With my tongue. We here at RobNipulations are all #ballers. Can’t help it.

Just look – Rob’s balls are just pressed right up against Tom’s back. RAWR. I’d like to get in the middle of that man-ball-man(ball) sandwich. I’ll be the mayo. Or maybe that’s another creamy white substance?

RobNip™ 61.3 – Fashion Fail Rob

Hmm. I honestly don’t know what to say here.

Clearly Rob is attempting to emulate the traditional characteristics of vampires by strapping on a good ‘ole pair of wings. Methinks that he’s not quite pleased with the results though… Of course, if I were him, I’d be pretty pissed too. Those wings, with their high cut collar, seriously detract from the jaw porn. And those matching pleated pants? They’re doing nothing for him.

C’mere honey, lets strip that shit off you and get you back into my favorite outfit on you. Nothing.

RobNip™ 60.2 – Albus Robbledore

Ya know, sometimes a girl just wants someone with a little…. experience. Albus Robbledore has that in spades! Trust me, he knows ALL the best places in Hogwarts to use his wand. And with his extremely advanced knowledge of spells and potions, things could get kinky fast! woot! Just imagine yourself being taken by Albus Robbledore while floating on air, having taking polyjuice potion to look like Hagrid! Woah. That’s kinda ew. ick.

RobNip™ 59.1 – Fuckhawt Fanfic: Knightward

Ho-ly fuck. They give me this pic and I’m supposed to do what with it? Try not to electrocute myself while I lick the screen repeatedly and try not to drip any juices on the CPU? Ahem. Must. Pull. Myself. Together.

Obviously, Knightward is a fucking BEAST. I mean, he can run me through with his sword any time. I bet I can take his entire lance. That makes me sound like a bit of a whore, eh? Whatev.

Let’s play “I’m a filthy wench, please take me over this knotty pine table.” RAWR

Fuckhawt Knightward Fanfic:

Knights of Honor by katmom

To love and Protect » by Jayeliwood

A Faire To Remember » by fluppy

Fate’s Recipe » by LyricalKris

The Round Table Story » by Shakespeare’s Lady

RobNip™ 57.4 – Charles Dickens Rob

Once again, Rob is posing as a prolific writer. This time, though, he’s the author of such classics as A Christmas Carol and Oliver Twist, Charles Dickens.

Aw, I love Tiny Tim! And the Ghost of Christmas Past. Charles Dickens Rob is such a skillful writer!

And another classic… Oliver Twist. Such a cute pickpocket! Just think of all of the spankings given to Oliver Twist! And because I’m a huge perv, I just have to ask… Please sir, may I have some more?