Robnipulate (verb): to touch and/or retouch "Robert Pattinson" with skillful hands, by the use of mechanical means.

Author Archive

RobNip™ 68.1 – Robster’s Dicktionary: Penis Edition

Yes, lucky readers, it’s time for us to once again turn to the Robster’s Dickionary for more important terms.  We here at RobNipulations are dedicated to increasing your vocabulary. Today’s topic is something close to all of our hearts — the PENIS.

We present you with this  list of penis euphemisms, and some Rob-related commentary

A – Ass Cleaver (This is one of Rob’s BFF’s favorites)

B – Big Boy Beanpole (Magical, and grows so big and tall –  just like in a fairy tale)

C – Chicksicle ( You like ’em cold and sparkly, right? And perfect for licking!)

D – Dickimus Maximus  (Bigger, in this case, is better)

E – Elephant Trunk (That’s what Water for Elephants is about, right?)

F – Fallopian Fiddler  (Play my parts anytime, baby!)

G – Godzilla (*smirk* @RebyKay)

H – Heat-Seeking Moisture Missile (What can I say? Hot, moist — exactly!)

I – Impregnator Injector  (Shoot me up anytime)

J – Joy Juicer (Nom nom nom)

K – King Dong (Clearly)

L – Lickin’ Stick (It’s like I always say, ell eye LICKY see kay LICKY why)

M – Melon Baster (*splash*)

N – Nine Inch Nudger (Ummm, yes, please!)

O – One-Eyed Wonder Worm (the Eighth – or eight inch? –  Wonder of the World)

P – Purple Pulsating Pillar of Power (Purple is cool.)

Q – Quantum Jizzix (My preferred area of study)

R  – Robinator (Always, always — he cums back!)

S  – Sparkly Tickler (You want to know if he really sparkles down there, dontcha?)

T – Tom’s Toy Thumb (Heh)

U – Uterus Unicorn (Y’all remember Prancing Unicorn Rob, right?)

V – Vulva Volvo (Mmm, you can park your Volva in my special place)

W – Womb Warrior (Always  ready to conquer)

X – Xstacy Stick (You know some stickin’ would cause some ecstacy!)

Y – Yum Yang (Like Chinese food — you eat some and you always want some more later)

Z – Zamboner (Absolutely necessary to keep one’s special rink open for play)

The soundtrack for today’s post is clearly Shontelle’s Licky (Under the Covers)

Thanks to @thedailydogfood, @sarahnxx, and @RobsButtonsBabe for entries.  Thanks also to the Elitefitness.com forum and various sites on the interwebs for inspiration and terms as well!


RobNip™ 66.1 – Rob’s Words of Advice re: Job Interviews

As we start the New Year, we realized that you, the brilliant and amazing readers of RobNipulations, might want to turn to Rob, and utilize his own experience and wisdom to help you accomplish your goals this year.

Therefore, we are happy to bring to you:  Rob’s Words of Advice

Our first question is from a current job-hunter.

Question: I’m nervous about a job interview I have coming up, what should I do?

Rob says: Take a half, err, a quarter of a valium and you’ll do great.

We all know that advice worked out well for Rob, and hopefully it will for you, too, job-seeker!

Stay tuned for more of Rob’s Words of Advice!


RobNip™ 65.2 – Ugly Christmas Sweater Party Rob

Who doesn’t love a festive Christmas party?  Ugly Christmas Sweater Rob is definitely ready to party!

Yes, he may have “borrowed” this cardigan from your mother’s closet.  He’s also rocking the jazz hands and Santa Hat.  This leads me to believe that perhaps Rob dipped into the holiday adult beverage refreshments in the process of getting ready, and well before his actual arrival at the party.  That’s alright with me. After all, who doesn’t find sloshed Rob adorable  -remember his “vocaaaayshun” outburst?

I think I’ll get my party on as well. After all — zippers are meant for unzipping, trousers are meant for dropping,  and skirts are meant for lifting. That sounds like a part with Ugly Sweater Rob to me!


RobNip™ 64.4 – Snow Shoveling Rob

I really, really needed some help with shoveling the snow this morning.  I was lazy in bed with someone excessively hot and very naked when I mused aloud about my concerns that we’d be snowed in.  As my stash of hot pockets and Heinie was rapidly dwindling after a few days of “fun,” my extremely helpful friend offered to shovel the walk for me.

While it’s true that he looks quite cold, the view from behind is lovely isn’t it?  And not to worry, any cold-induced shriveling that occurs will be remedied as soon as my snow-shoveling friend returns indoors. In the meantime,  I thought I’d share my own special Christmas-time memories with you by posting this picture.

Oh crap, I’m being informed that this visage (and memory) were created by the very talented RobsButtonsBabe.  It’s okay, I’ll cherish it as my own anyway!

You can, too! Think of it as a gift from the girls at RobNipulations to you!


RobNip™ 64.3 – Gingerbread Man Rob

Oh dear! Gingerbread Man Rob is in a bit of sticky situation! You see, this pup finds Gingerbread Man Rob’s sticky bits as exciting and tasty and sweet and spicy as you and I might.  While Rob is surely  made for devouring,  I doubt this is what he had in mind.  And that button is most assuredly not made of gumdrops, if you know what I mean. Buttons, buttons, suddenly I have buttons on the brain.  Kinda like @RobsButtonsBabe!

Don’t worry, Rob, we can make it all better with liberal application of some frosting. We’ll fix-up those bits of yours and ensure that they are sticky-yummy-lickable, perfect for the girls at RobNipulations — who have been known to have an appetite for licking, I mean, who have been known to have a sweet tooth.

Suddenly, I’m hungry for . . . gingerbread!


RobNip™ 64.1 – Naughty Santa Rob

As we get  closer and closer to Christmas, I must admit that I have visions of something dancing in my head… not sugarplums, visions more like this.  Baby, it’s cold outside — what I need to get it hot in herrrrre is some Naughty Santa Rob!

First, I’m gonna sit on his lap.  Santa Rob would like a lap dance, dontcha think?  Thankfully, my lil elf dress is very short  and quite accommodating! Then I’m gonna demonstrate my mad skillz, including the ability to remove that big ole belt buckle without using my hands.  I’m gonna offer Naughty Santa Rob his favorite snack, my “sugar cookie.”  Next, I’m gonna whisper in his ear and ask for my very special present, something I want in my box… Can you guess what it is?


RobNip™ 63.2 – Santa and his Robdeer

Nothing like Rob in a harness to put me in the Christmas spirit!  While it’s true that sentiments like those are likely to put me on the “naughty” list — quite frankly, I’m fine with that. After all, who wouldn’t wanna jump Rob looking so fly and spry and tied up? He looks so, ummm, energetic, and up for anything, if you know what I mean.

I know I wanna tell him to giddy up so I can go for a ride!  I’m pretty sure one of these Robdeer could take me around the world in a very long, hot, sweaty steamy, lovely night. After working so hard, and getting all lathered up, I’ll give my Robdeer a really good rubdown.

Clearly Santa is giver because look! There are *four* Robdeer.  I plan on delivering one to each of my RobNipulations hoors, reins in hand. Have fun, ladies!

Note from RBB: Yes, I had to JUMP *snicker* on the Jumping Rob Train..  errr rather sleigh for this manip. It was too funny not to!


RobNip™ 62.2 – Super Hello Kitty Rob

Oh Rob, my super hero!  Mmmm, you’re the only one who, in this guise, can make Hello Kitty HOTTTT on a man.  Truly only you could pull off the magenta.  Thankfully those briefs fit snugly but . . . it would be even more fun to peel them and those tights right off.

Oh yes, I could be your superhero and grant freedom to those parts of you that have been so cruelly constrained. FREEDOM TO THE MAN PARTS!


RobNip™ 61.2 – Fashion Fail Rob

Oh dear, Fashion Fail Rob is trying his hand at walking the catwalk once again… you may remember the disastrous results during Fashion Week.

This time, Rob is showing off the abs he worked on so hard for those beach scenes in Breaking Dawn.  Rob also demonstrates that his manscaping only extends so far, that he believes a gentleman should always tuck in his shirt, and that he loves Pucci-like abstract prints.

Hmm, something seems to be missing from this pic… Something big and important.  Wait, do they make tape for that? You know, tape that sh** down?  Kind of like the tuckage that caused us all so much chagrin?

Whatever the means used to minimize his, umm assets, I definitely call this a fashion fail!


RobNip™ 59.2 – Fuckhawt Fanfic: Tennisward

Hmm, I see a big old bulge in that pocket… Tennis Rob reaches in and… oh, pulls out his balls.

I’m not surprised to see Rob handling his large, fuzzy balls.  He’s English, they’re not big into manscaping, are they?  I love to play with balls! Cupping them, rolling them around in my hands, nuzzling them, yum yum yum!

Ohhhh, you mean he’s handling  THOSE kind of balls!  Not nearly as fun! But scores from zero to three are “love.”  I could score three times and it would be love?!? I agree to that! Let’s play!

And now for some fuckhawt Tennis Rob Fanfic!!

Game, Set, Match » by MandyLeigh87

A Wimbledon Affair » by sue4442