RobNip™ 47.4 – Martha Stewart Rob

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Oh dear, today Rob makes what is perhaps an ill-advised stop in his tour of daytime television.  Yes, Rob takes a stab at being the Doyenne of Domesticity — Martha Stewart.

I bet you didn’t realize that Rob’s many mad skillz include cooking, crafting, gardening and —- okay, wait, scratch that, I can’t even imagine that.  Perhaps Martha Stewart Rob (Robtha Stewart?  Martha Stewbert?) should lose the wig and the crisp pink shirt (you know Rob looks best in rumpled, just-rolled-out-of-bed-after-drinking plaid)  and stick to what he knows best — dealing with very loooooooong phallic objects! Like that juicy, delicious, yummy . . . hot dog.

Suddenly, I’m very hungry! How about you?

RobNip™ 47.3 – General Hospital Rob

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You know most of the beautiful people spend some time practicing their acting chops on daytime television dramas – soap operas – and Rob is no exception!

Today Rob makes a stop at Port City, to join the staff of General Hospital.  Just the thought of Rob in a white coat make me wanna play doctor with him immediately.  In fact, torrid love affairs with four different, lovely blogger women, all writing for the same site, would make a great story line right? Lots of drama, lots of steamy “examination” time, and hopefully, lots of cheesy dialog supplemented by Rob’s infamous Blue Steel look.    I am pretty sure my co-bloggers and I would be willing to share some of General Hospital Rob’s time — all in the interest of creating good television, of course.

Ooh, and think of the video! RAWR!

RobNip™ 47.2 – Today Show Rob

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Okay, so I have to confess. I’m a lazy slug. Really. My husband’s lucky if I roll out of bed before 8:10 (technically, I’m supposed to be to work at 8:30). It’s been a coup lately, because I’ve been getting up at 8. woot! Look at me go!

Anyway. This generally means that I don’t get to see any sort of morning television whatsoever. However, I’ve been thinking, and there is a way that these morning shows could entice me to roll my sleepy ass out of bed in the morning…

Today Show Rob.

Doesn’t that just say it all? If I knew that I could look forward to Rob (in a suit!) bumbling around the Today Show set, running his hands through his greasy hair, running like a 12-year-old girl from set to set, and cracking weird/sad jokes… I would be ALL OVER THAT SHIZZ.

I mean, this could almost turn me into a productive person! I could theoretically (if improbably) be up at 7, showered, dressed, eating, and ready to fully bask in the glow of Rob on the Today Show (and maybe looking for some freeballin’ as well… I am human!). Seriously people! If they knew what was good for them, they’d be chasing after Rob, offering him millions for this gig. Think of all the advertising dollars they could bring in with the oh-so-key 18-40 year old women age bracket!

RobNip™ 47.1 – Springer Rob

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It’s Daytime TV Week at RobNips! What better time to take advantage of the mental stimulation and cultural exposure that morning and afternoon television has to offer than the week or two before school starts? Send your kids off to return to their ABC’s and 123’s on a healthy, heaping portion of the idiot box, RobNips-style!

It’s always a brawl on Springer! Always! It doesn’t matter that looks like it’s a hundred kinds of staged. It’s not, okay? And yeah, just because the other guy is Richard Branson, English billionaire, doesn’t mean he didn’t say something to warrant a beatdown from Rob. He probably said some fool thing about his mama. Rob is like Spock from the new Star Trek movie. You do not talk about his mama or he will start throwing punches first and asking questions later.

Did you know we wrote a Letter to Rob?

Dear Rob,

This picture of you at a pool party surfaced on the interwebs last month.  While others drooled at the mere thought of you wet and glistening pool-side and wild speculation swirled, we peered intently at the photo, playing our own private game of “Where’s Waldo”…

It was a fruitless search. How does one even claim to actually see you, much less Waldo, in this picture? I appreciate the thoughtfulness of the person who labeled the pics, but really?! Is that you? Is that your sculpted (we hope) ass? Your chiseled jaw? Did you have your legs amputated recently? Because after your shorts, the legs pretty much disappear. Is that Tom on the other side of that random chick? Why isn’t he labeled? That’s going to hurt his feelings and, frankly,  it’s pretty blatant discrimination. Brit Pack is Brit Pack, right? And I’m fairly sure that you and Tom are holding hands there. That’s the obvious conclusion when you can’t actually see something. It does kinda look like the person labeled “Sam” could be Sam, because he has some crazy ass hair, and because those trunks are pretty frickin’ blinding, but, meh. Dunno.

SEE MORE AFTER THE SPLISH SPLASH

RobNip™ 46.5 – Cry Baby Rob

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Johnny Depp may have rocked that pompadour HARD in Cry Baby, but I’m pretty sure that Rob, hair greased up high in that leather jacket, rocks it even HARDER!

Cry Baby Rob has the ability to turn even “square” girls into naughty vixens — you know he’s done the same thing to us!  Even when he’s doing hard time, Cry Baby Rob manages to look so good it’s positively criminal.  Just thinking of him behind bars is making me cry a single, hot tear — yeah, it’s no surprise that Rob is making me moist in all the right places!

Upon his release from the penn, I am gonna show Cry Baby Rob the best time he’s ever had.   And then we’ll get tattooed together to commemorate the event — if you can call a week-long romp a single event.

Now excuse me while Cry Baby Rob croons a song, I need to prepare for that “event.”

RobNip™ 46.4 – Sweeney Todd Rob

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As we join Rob on his journey through Johnny Depp’s most memorable roles we can’t help but be a little afraid of Sweeney Rob.  After all, the demon barber of Fleet Street, with the assistance of Mrs. Lovett,  turned his victims into “meat pies” which bear a startling resemblance to Hot Pockets.

While Sweeney Rob looks dreamy in those period clothes (ponders — what kind of underwear would he be wearing),  and while he gets to use that lovely voice of his (*cue panties melting*) the whole serial killer aspect of the role kinda freaks me out a little. Wait, if I imagine myself at Mrs. Lovett, can I wear a corset? ‘Cause my boobs would be rockin’ in a corset. Surely that would  distract Sweeney Rob from his murderous doings!

Alright, we’ll let Sweeney Rob get back to his practiced use of the straight razor while we further consider these matters.  I’ll be looking for my corset. Hot Pocket, anyone?

RobNip™ 46.3 – Edward Scissorhands Rob

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We love it when Rob revisits the roles of Johnny Depp. After all, who else could possibly make the emo-pale-anti-social-oddball thing so super hawt?! Well, hawt if you need a snappy haircut or need your “hedges trimmed.” *wink wink, nudge nudge*

Scissorhands Rob may be an “uncommonly gentle man” but . . . he looks good in black.  And a young gentleman like him needs lots of one on one time to increase his social skills and interaction, right?  Forget about Kim and her weird fake blonde straw hair, Rob Scissorhands. I’ll be happy to provide you with excellent socialization opportunities.  And, it would be GREAT to have you handy when my hedge needs trimming.

RobNip™ 46.2 – Sleepy Hollow Rob

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Hooo-rah! Just what we needed! Another movie with Rob and Christina, to remind us of the awesome upcoming movie with nudity with Rob and Christina…!

Doesn’t Ichabod Crane Rob look smexy in his “state of the art” (ahem, 1790’s) goggles?! Something about the way they frame his face and amazing jaw just yells SEX to me. Also, the boobs that are right next to his face. That may have something to do with it… RAWR Ichabod Crane Rob. You could not BE more sexalicious in that outfit. I bet your pants are tight too. *swoon* I just love historical movies!

RobNip™ 46.1 – Pirates of the Caribbean Rob

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This week at RobNips, we’re featuring Rob in some of Johnny Depp’s most memorable film roles. So, without further ado, we present JohnnyDeppbert.

Mmmm, Pirate Rob. He shivers me timbers, no lie. Dude looks hot with pirate guyliner and long hair. Wouldn’t mind showing him where X marks the spot so he can bury his treasure, savvy?