RobNip™ 49.3 – Carpenter Rob

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Know what I love? A man who knows how to use his hands… RAWR.

And Carpenter Rob certainly has working with his hands covered. I mean, who else would have his pictures of his hands labelled hand porn? Those talented fingers are so long and lithe… I shiver just thinking about all of the things he could do to me. Plus, he can satisfy me, then go build me some built in bookshelves! All in a days work!

And obviously, Rob + WOOD = FTMFW!

RobNip™ 49.2 – Window Cleaning Rob

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I think we can all agree that a character that Rob plays in a certain indie movie is a little bit stalkerish… But that means that this job is right up Rob’s alley!!

I, for one, would volunteer to have Window Washer Rob peep through my windows! I would dress up for him, making sure I was sauntering around in my prettiest underwear… I could demonstrate my flexibility for Rob by doing all of my great yoga poses. And then, just to make sure he knew that I was interested, I would write my name and number on the window in lipstick. Sometimes a girl just has to take the lead, you know…

RobNip™ 49.1 – Labor Day Rob

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Today is the day that we celebrate all of those who have labored — by taking the day off!  Labor Day Rob helps us to remember the most important labor of all — the labor of love that is motherhood!

Yep, Labor Day Rob is willing to relive all of those memories with you — the dilating, the cussing, the “ring of fire” (if you’ve delivered the old fashioned way, you know EXACTLY what I mean), pushing out the shoulders (gah, that boy is broad-shouldered), one more push for that giant head and finally the doctor announcing, triumphantly, “It a BOY!”

Rob is not willing, however, to relive the whole “to snip or not snip” debate.  He’s decided it’s time to be a big boy again and head out for some beer.

The RobNipulations staff wish you and yours a restful Labor Day, and to the mothers out there who have been through labor and delivery — a great big thanks and a high five.

An extra-special thank you goes out to Rob’s mom — without her, none of what we do would be possible!  Thanks for bringing the gorgeousness that is Rob into our world!

RobNip™ 48.5 – Plastic Surgeon Rob

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Oooh, it’s plastic surgeon Rob. We know a few spots he can nip/tuck. And look at him checking out that woman’s rack. Not like she’s being shy about. But then again, who would be? Can we get a breast exam, too? Like, a really long, really thorough one? You can never be too careful about your breast health, after all. And we think Dr. Rob would support that sentiment very strongly.

RobNip™ 48.4 – Opthalmologist Rob

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It’s very important that we all take care of our eyes. After all, our eyes are what we use to eyefuck see the glory that is Rob.  Thankfully, Opthalmologist Rob is here to make sure that our peepers are in fine working order.

Dr. Rob is working his Blue Steel while he peers into your eyes. He’s also working those pink scrubs — I think it’s a good look for him, don’t you?  Hmm… I need Dr. Rob to come a little closer, yeah, maybe there’s something in my left eye, no closer still,  right about. . . there. Whoops, did I accidentally grope you, Dr. Rob? And pull you right onto on this very handy reclining examining chair?  I am very sorry, but as long as you’re here, would it be alright if I conduct an examination of my own?

Oooh yeah, perfect, just like THAT!

RobNip™ 48.3 – Patient Rob

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Oh dear, today Medical Rob learns what it’s like to be on that examining table — and not for recreational purposes.   It’s true that Rob loves to play doctor, but how will he like being the patient?   Rob looks quite apprehensive, truth be told.

Of course, Rob’s health, including his, umm, prostate health, is of vital importance to us all.  It’s very important to be sure that everything is in appropriate working order!   So Rob, relax, breathe deep, and I’ll suggest that your physician use lots of lube in conducting his examination.

What? You wish it was TomStu examining you?  Well, what you do in private is your business, so I won’t say anything…  Wait, what, what was that again? Okay, fine, I admit it, I may have been peeking under your gown.

Yeah, I do like that sort of “private”.

RobNip™ 48.2 – Radiologist Rob

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Today, we here at RobNips present Dr. C. D. Bones…

That’s right, he can see right through you. Like Superman, he can see you from the inside, which gets him thinking about other things he could be doing inside you… Dr. Bones has an extra special present for you today after your examination. You might say he has a big boner bunch of x-rays to show you…

RobNip™ 48.1 – Pediatrician Rob

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There is nothing better than Dr. Rob. Wait, I lied. Pediatrician Rob!

Pediatrician Rob is still the hawt Dr. Rob you’re always dreaming of, but with an extra hot factor: he loves kids! What’s not to adore?!

Mothers will be lining up to get their little ones evaluated by this hot piece of medical professional.  And it has nothing to do with Mommy wanting to play doctor with him after their kids’ checkup. Nothing at all.

A ‘Water for Elephants’ Behind the Scenes Picture of Rob

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RobNips Exclusive! Leaked pic from the set of Water for Elephants! Our source, Deep Throat, has once again pulled through for us. This is what she had to say…

I was able to snap this candid very stealthily using a mini-camera sewn into the cleavage of my WonderBra. With a gentle squeeze of my arms on either side of my bazooms, a quick ‘click’ sound is the only thing that gave me away. I quickly explained that it’s my jaw from years of TMJ, because, well, I didn’t earn the name ‘Deep Throat’ from opera singing.

Anyhoo, Rob is the consummate thespian. I considered becoming a thespian once, but my boyfriend at the time talked me out of it. In any event, our boy really does take his craft seriously, and being such a professional demands absolute concentration, extremely precise focus, and rather peculiar novelty underwear, obviously. He demanded complete silence between takes, insisting that he was “trying to get into [his] zone”, and that the cast and crew around him were obligated to “respect [his] process”, despite the very plain fact that his giblet-y bits were stuffed into a plush elephant’s trunk. He’d stand there, almost trance-like, as he nonchalantly twirled the man-fur of his treasure trail while mumbling “my name is Jacob, of all things, but I’m still the world’s oldest virgin…how ironic. How would Marlon Brando play this? James Dean? Snuffleupagus?” From there, he’d need some convincing to change into his actual set wardrobe. It would usually come down to his agent threatening to have his peanuts honey-roasted if he didn’t.

So there you have it, RobNips readers. Rob Pattinson: gentleman actor, lover of furry underpants.

RobNip™ 47.5 – Who Wants to Be A Millionaire Rob

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“Wait…I know this one! Is that the film with Courtney Cox and the guy with the funny mask?” Oh, Rob, you silly sausage. Although, most 24 year old guys would only look agonized while their hands were holding some other, more precious part of their anatomy. Rob probably does value his face a lot, however. If given the option between getting injured in the mug or in the junk, he might just flip a coin. Or maybe just offer his wonky left foot as a third option.