Robnipulate (verb): to touch and/or retouch "Robert Pattinson" with skillful hands, by the use of mechanical means.

Author Archive

RobNip™ 57.1 – Shakespeare Rob

November is National Novel Writer’s Month! It’s also known as NaNoWriMo, where novice as well as experienced writers put pen to paper and fingers to keyboard to try and churn out an original novel, from scratch, within the span of a month. Good luck to the fanfic writers participating.

So for all the writers out there, this week is RobNip’s Salute to NaNoWriMo!

Alas poor Yorrick…wait, what? Alright, now I’m pissed. Who broke the pipe off my favorite bong? I wear the fly tunic and tights just for this bong and someone breaks the damn thing. That’s it, no more parties in my trailer. I’m done with trifling fools messing with my diggity dank.

Rob-O-Ween 2.5 – Ken Doll Rob

Oh, Rob. What have we done to you? You look like the rejected seventh sibling from the talent show episode of the Brady Bunch. First, it’s just one of the gravest sins against nature to cover your hair with…whatever that thing is. But worse than that is dressing you up as a Ken doll in the first place. The thing about Ken is…how do we say this? He’s not sporting anything under those polyester pants except for completely flat, completely smooth, molded plastic. Yeah, we just died a little on the inside simply from contemplating that.

Rob-O-Ween 2.1 – Keg Rob

It’s week two of RobNips Rob-O-Ween week! And what better way to start off a Monday morning than Rob dressed as a beer keg? Because, yes, we would absolutely tap that. Get it? Keg…tap that? Yeah, okay. It’s Monday morning, alright? Can’t write the semi-passable punchlines every day of the week.

Rob-O-Ween 1.5 – Double Occupancy Rob

Halloween might be just once a year, but Rob definitely doesn’t let this opportunity go to waste. It’s his one chance to prove to the world that he can, in fact, get laid. Even if it is with a woman made of nylon and polyfiber stuffing. We’re not sure how convincing it looks, but those feet look just like his.

Rob-O-Ween 1.1 – Snake Charmer Rob

It’s the RobNips First Annual Halloweenie Costume Party! Every day we’ll feature our boy trying to decide on his best, fly-est Halloween costume.

This one should be self-explanatory. The snake, if left to its own devices, will woo the wimminz so entirely and completely that ladies start passing out at the mere sight. He’s gotta keep that thing in check. Plus he plays a mean Stairway to Heaven on that flute.

RobNip™ 54.3 – Pinata Rob

Rob feeling up a boob and looking pleased with himself. Since when is this news? Papier-mâché or not, we don’t think he’s ever met a mammary he didn’t like. Notice the guy groping the other hooter. At least he has the decency to be embarrassed over being busted.

RobNip™ 54.2 – Keg Rob

Please, he couldn’t lift that. That keg probably weighs more than he does. Oh wait, it’s already empty. No wonder he looks so happy. Bogarting the brewski before your bros get to have any. Ah, the life of a rich, famous dude. Collar: popped. Keg: drannnk. Grin: full tilt. Haters be hatin.

RobNip™ 53.5 – Twister Rob

See Rob’s rather smug expression? It’s because he just called “left boob on Rob’s face” and she believed him. Either that, or her boob has a mind of its own. With very good taste in whose face to land on, we might add.

RobNip™ 53.1 – Spin the Bottle Rob

Hey! It’s party games week at RobNips™. Let’s see what kind of zany shenanigans Rob can get himself into, shall we?

Pssst…hey, copperylocks! In the yellow shirt. Yeah, you. Just so you know, the chick about to spin the bottle just stuck a magnet in there so that the bottle will point at you. Girlfriend knows what’s what. She’s studied the electromagnetic pull of your tractor beam of sexy. And by that we mean she totally checked out your package and wants to conduct further research.

RobNip™ 52.1 – Grand Canyon Rob

Alright, we think the road trip shenanigans may have gone too far this time. It doesn’t matter if it was Tom or Sam. But daring Rob to relive his ballet days by doing his best Swan Lake right by the edge of the Grand Canyon just isn’t funny. Okay, maybe the picture is funny. Those guys know what happens when our boy tries to dance. It’s a string cheese explosion.