Robnipulate (verb): to touch and/or retouch "Robert Pattinson" with skillful hands, by the use of mechanical means.


In honor of the one year anniversary of RobNipulations™, the whole staff got together to revisit some of the manips that you, our loyal, treasured, and FUCKHAWT readers, chose as your favorites.



Click HERE for Original Post

RBB: As just about everyone in fandom knows, the term “unicorn” has a very special meaning, courtesy of that amazing work of fanfiction, Wide Awake.
ABG: I just love the expression on his face, personally. He looks like a verra verra srs bsns unicorn.
AC: He’s a unicorn that will  toss his mane, present his magnificent “horn”, strike his hooves, and prance with absolute focus. He is the master of all unicorns and he wants you to reconnnize!
RBB: Something about him makes me want to slap his ass and tell him to giddy up!  Of course the ass-less chaps may have a wee bit to do with that.
AC: You just wanna ride that pony, RBB!
RPL: I just think he looks pretty in pink.

M.C. Patt E Pattz

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AC: We all know that Rob still thinks deep down that he missed his true calling . . . rap superstar!
ABG: Hear me now. Riiiiide the punani. Ride the punani!
AC: I think gold lamé works for him.  Oh and rings, and watches, and  chains! And most especially, getting up close and personal with the ass! Yo, RBB, that’s your ass with the ‘RPattz Life’ tramp stamp right?  Or am I getting my asses mixed up? Related note:  I am so not gonna play the “smell my finger” game with Rapper Rob.
RBB: *Insert fake laugh here* Um NO!  Damn I wish I could say my ass was half that fine (minus the tramp stamp).
AC: Well, the expression on the face of mustache Rob (down below) (oooh, “Rob down below” sounds good to me) indicates that he has seen your tittays!
RPL: I love gold lamé! And the bedazzled gun! Stylin! And every time I look at this pic, I think one of Rob’s fingers is actually IN her ass. It weirds me out.

Taste the Rainbow Rob

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AC: I am very sorry to inform RPL that she will be unable to “taste the rainbow” flowing forth from that man meat because it is not vegan.
ABG: One word: SKITTLES.
RBB: Hopefully his balls aren’t the size of skittles. Cuz that would be a bit awkward!
ABG: No, bb…it tastes like Skittles. Sweet and yummeh.
RBB: Oh, well in that case I am all for a bit-o-tea baggin’. BRING IT ON!
AC: Screw the Skittles, my pot ‘o gold better be full of man meat to devour! I’m more of a protein kinda girl, if ya know what I mean.
ABG: Y’all have no love for my fic, I swear to Jebus. …grumbles
AC: Awww, I’m sorry ABG, for you I say SKITTLES!  Just, you know, check on the vegan thing for RPL.
RPL: Mother fuck!! I thought ALL man meat was vegan… no? And yum. I love fruity deliciousness. I’m gonna lick that rainbow up and down. And yes, Skittles are vegan.

Water for Elephants Rob

Click HERE for Original Post

AC: I want to pet the sweet fuzzy elephant!  Puhleeeeeze? It’s soft and furry and  . . . wait, suddenly , it’s not so soft in fact [insert miraculous sound dramatic sound effects], IT’S GROWING!!!!
RBB: Nothing like a JUNK in your TRUNK *wink wink nudge nudge*
AC: I am a HUGE fan of TRUNKS! And elephants. And petting elephants.  I think this elephant needs a kissy kissy!  Am I getting  carried away?
ABG: How can you guys make fun of Rob’s acting process? THIS IS SERIOUS. He’s just trying to EXPAND and GROW. Eh fuck it, I’d pet his trunk any day of the week. Won’t even front about that.
RPL: Well, I am seriously contemplating downing that bad boy. Vegan or no. I’ll bring the kissy kissy. I bet he’s soft! I mean, hard. Um, you know what I mean.

Stache Rob

Click HERE for Original Post

ABG: Why does he looks so shocked? What, he wasn’t expecting every female within a twenty mile radius to ask for a mustache ride? Homeboy must be straight trippin.
RBB: Is there a line for that mustache ride? I need to find my spot if so…preferably at the front!
RPL: I’m racin for the head of that line now.
AC: I’m not gonna lie, that mustache is styled courtesy of me and my special mustache styling gel.
RPL: Ew. That’s disgusting.
AC: You’re just jealous!!!!
RBB: Is his wonky eye twitching?  Or is that my eye twitching?
AC: I told you, he’s overcome by your tittay powers (@ RBB, RPL).
RPL: Woah, RBB!, your tits have powers too?! That’s amazing! Twinsies!

Finding Nemo Rob

Click HERE for Original Post

RBB: I still have no idear why everyone loves Finding Nemo Rob. SMH
RPL: What?! I have a thing for fish, okay? What’s so wrong about that?
ABG: It must be the way NemoBert is gazing so lovingly into StuDory’s eyes. Can you feel the love tonight? Oh shit, wrong Disney cartoon. You know what I mean, bitches. Those critters are in love. #ISHIPSTUBERT
AC: I don’t care if it’s orange and a little wet, I just wanna see and play with this “lucky fin.”  Dang, I love sushi!
RPL: Seriously AC? First mustache cream and now beastiality? Have you no shame?
AC: “Shameless hussy” is my middle name.
ABG: You know it’s slightly crooked, right? Cos his whole left side is all wonky. No worries, I’m limber.
RPL: Orlly? I’ve never had a crooked, um, fish.
RBB: *jaw dropped* Oh the images you three have BURNED into my mind!  #IShipRobStu #StuBert Whatever you wanna call them.
AC: Wait, are you now talking about fish buttsecks? I never get the buttsecks references!!!
RPL: Buttsecks? Who said anything about buttsecks?
RBB: Um buttsecks must be on the brain! Can we get a lil Brain Bleach for that issue?
AC: I blame ABG!
RBB: That’s your excuse and you’re sticking to it.  Heh… “Sticking it” in the WRONG HOLE!
ABG: Oh for fucksakes, you admit oncejust oncethat you like a little backdoor lovin, and all of a sudden you’re the guru of all things gluteus maximus. Good thing there’s no manip of chef Rob tossing a salad. You h00rz can caption that one. …grumbles

Fight Club Rob

Click HERE for Original Post

RBB: Rob in Fight Club.  Now that would be a dream come true!  We need some rough cut bloody Rob!
AC: MINE MINE MINE MINE MINE!  Wait, can I call dibs?  I will so fight you hoorz for first in line spot with Fight Club Rob! BRING IT ON!
ABG: Hold up, lemme take off my earrings and grease my face cos I will throw down for some of that disco stick.
RPL: You bitches better watch yoselves! I got razors in mah braids!
RBB: Yeah well, I’m a two time National Awase Kenpo Karate Fighting Champion! Bring it, bitches!
AC: My talents lay in breaking stuff. I may be small, but I’m fierce, have mad skillz . . . and I have NO FEAR!
RPL: Watch your shit!!! AC can kill a man with her thighs! I’m screwed. I have rage?
AC: I have a sneaking suspicion that watching us pummel each other senseless might make Fight Club Rob stand at attention, ready for some action. Whatdya say we strip down to bras and undies while we fight?
ABG: In a kiddie pool filled with Jello. Yes, please. And thank you!
RPL: Wait! Jello isn’t vegan!!
AC: Hmmm, what about some nice, sticky, sweet corn syrup???
RBB: Where is the sign up sheet? I’m hungry for his schtick!
RPL: You’re mah boy, Blue!

Jack Sparrow Rob

Click HERE for Original Post

ABG: Shiver me timbers! I wanna polish his cutlass like a good pirate wench. I’m also a bad pirate wench, which is why I’d let him play with my poop deck. TMI? Whatevs, you love it.
AC: Wait a minute, did this post just delve into buttsecks?  That happens every time we talk!  I always wonder what pirates smell like. I think he’d need a good and thorough washing before any kind of “swordplay.”
ABG: Don’t be afraid of the buttsecks. It can be a very spiritual experience. It’s when a man tries to align his chakras with your path to enlightenment. Don’t cheapen the buttsecks. Oh and…butt pirates. Come on, that joke wrote itself!
RPL: Aaaaaargh.
RBB: I really have no comment on this other than: ME WANTZ!

The Daily Beast Rob and that other guy…

What’s his name?  Oh right! Taylor. Whatev.

Click HERE for Original Post

RBB: So remember when we wrote that article for The Daily Beast?  That was wicked awesome.  This manip is the SHIT!  *polishes knuckles*
AC: Hell yeah! Have I told you lately, RBB, that you ARE the absolute BESTEST when it comes to kick-ass manips?
RBB: *Blushes*
ABG: It’s only her ass that’s blushing. Cos I just spanked it. But Courtroom Rob and Baby TayTay were, in fact, the shiznit. So was our case for Ice, Ice Baby.
RBB: HA! I like it when you bend me over!  BUT anyhooooo.  Yes, our case was way better that that other chick FO SHO!
AC: The staff here at RobNipulations™ are suckers for a good courtroom drama, aren’t we?  Legalistas!
ABG: We roll hardcore jurist and bitches fear us.
RPL: I feel I should point out that we have 2 lawyers and a law school graduate on staff. And a kickass graphic designer. Mmhhhm. Represent!

Bel Ami Rob

Click HERE for Original Post

RBB: So not that long ago this manip surfaced all over the interwebs.  Freaking people the fuck out!  Everyone thought it was a movie still and they were falling over dead.   Sadly, I had to inform a few sites (including Robsessed, Spunk Ransom, and Robert Pattinson Life) that it was just my manip.
ABG: I don’t care where it came from. That shit is panty-exploding. Swear to God, when Bel Ami comes out, Imma need EMTs standing by with a defibrillator and the jaws of life. My hooha is gonna be suctioned to my seat. Trufax, bb’s.
AC: I have no words. Srsly.
RBB: They really should sell plastic seat covers and paper bags at the ticket counter in the theater!  They will make MILLIONS and save their seats!
RPL: Mmmm. paper bags. Fuck. This just makes me want to go home and bang the hubs. Just think about all the play SOs of Rob fans have gotten in the last two years, all due to this man here…
AC: Truthfully partners everywhere should be GRATEFUL for all the RobPorn, especially the ones created here at RobNipulations™!

Thank you so, so much for all of the support you’ve given us in the last year! We LURVE you all in a completely inappropriate way, and we look forward to continuing to make you laugh!!! 🙂

3 responses

  1. HAPPY PORNIVERSARY!!!! Keep it cuming! A PEENacolada toast to you all!!! 😛

    September 25, 2010 at 5:26 pm

  2. Kit Robertson

    Happy anniversary! Love ya’ll! Swimom7

    September 27, 2010 at 9:17 am

  3. Stacey

    Happy Anniversary! What a hilarious post! Love the Fight Club Rob.

    September 27, 2010 at 4:18 pm

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