Robnipulate (verb): to touch and/or retouch "Robert Pattinson" with skillful hands, by the use of mechanical means.

You Fic It, We Nip It: 1st Place

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Today, we present our grand prize winner in our “You Fic It, We Nip It” Contest — How To Be… More — written by @debb24601!!

Read @debb24601’s “How To Be…More” after the not so accidental dong…

How To Be… More

A/N Based on the movie How to Be. No copyright infringement is intended. I don’t own the plot lines or characters and will make no money from this. Obviously.

Another day at the mind-numbing, soul-sucking grocer’s. Doing a job a monkey could do. Stocking shelves, pricing merchandise, and trying to avoid thinking… about Jessica. She dumped me, kicking me out of her apartment in the process. My parents aren’t terribly happy to have me home again. My music isn’t going well either and my mates are always frustrated with me.

Apparently I’m not much fun to be around.

I can feel the slight wince in my expression, the pained look that I see each time I looked in the mirror. My mother’s scolding tone echoes in my mind.

“Don’t make that face, Arthur – it’ll stick.”

Very deliberately, I relax my face, blowing out a deep breath before stretching my mouth into what I hope is a natural looking smile. I catch sight of myself in the mirror at the end of the aisle meant to spy on shoplifters. It’s a distorted image but still alarming, like a sad clown at the circus. I return to the wince as I continue to stack boxes of frozen veggies.

I miss Jessica terribly. I miss her frustrated sighs and her cold hands. I miss the way she would roll her eyes when I complained about my music career. At least I always knew she was listening.

The thing is, I thought we’d been getting on fine. I thought she accepted my melancholy, liked it even, and I thought that right up to the moment she called me ‘sad’ and ‘depressed’. And breaking up with me only made me more depressed.

I also miss being with her. We hadn’t exactly been going at it like rabbits but we’re both young and had been fairly active. I miss her little breasts with their cherry nipples and her round bum. We had been good together before I got all depressed and frustrated. We spent a lot of time reading to each other in bed and one thing always led to another and now I’m thinking about the way she would grab me and tell me what to do when I would hesitate…

Oh no, now I’ve done it. I’ve got an erection. I dart a glance down and grimace. My pants look like they’re housing a pyramid, a sizeable one at that.

The store is quiet but a few older ladies are in the frozen section, dragging their trolleys along.  One looks just then and I freeze like the fool that I am. I don’t even turn around. Her eyes roam along me, lingering appreciatively on the prominent bulge. She smirks and nods happily to herself before raising her eyes to mine.

“Nice wood, lad. Pity I’m not 40 years younger,” she cackled at me. I barely repressed the shudder. Ew. A pervy gran. I am beet red, I know this, my face is hot and can feel the pained expression is back in place. She shrugs and turns away.

Ah Christ. This is my life. I take up my pricing gun and get back to it. I’m sad, I’m bored and now that I’ve woken up Little Art, I’m mightily uncomfortable. I’m more uncomfortable as I realize I’ve been rubbing up on the wall of the freezer unit, rocking against it each time I reach to place bags of freshly-priced frozen veg into rows.

And, oh the horror, Pervy Gran is back with her friends and they are watching me with knowing looks. Shit. My face burns again. At this rate I’m going to get fired – or arrested. They chuckle and move off when I glare at them.

When I turn back to the freezer the cold air is soothing on my boiling face and I lean closer. Guess it’s that time of day. At least once a day for the last week I’ve stuck my head into this freezer, ostrich style, and taken a break. Slowly I lean forward. My head makes contact, and with a rustle the bag of frozen peas shifts to conform to the shape of my skull. It’s dark and cold, the quiet hiss of the freezing mechanism is calming, like ocean waves. I quite like this. I am like an ostrich and I enjoy the moment. There is no grocery store. I don’t struggle with the meaning of life or what I will do about my parents or what my next step is.

For this moment, with my head in the freezer and my ass in the air, for just this moment, I think this might be the way to… be.

“Arthur?” Her voice is soft, I can hear the concern in it and I’m concerned too. Can I get freezer burn in my brain? How long have I been in here? Have I got hypothermia…? ‘Cause I’m imagining things, hallucinating – well, hearing voices anyway. Because Jessica had been quite clear – we were through.

“Art? Why do you have your head in the freezer?” I take a deep breath and turn my head to the side. If I do have hypothermia and am hallucinating I might as well get good value. I smile lightly. There she is.

Hmm, Jessica looks concerned too. And she’s wearing my favourite outfit; a black skirt that hugs her bum and white peasant blouse with lace all around the edge. She looks just the same, dark, pixie-ish hair, great big Bambi eyes, of course it’s only been a week since I saw her last. I can’t see her shoes but if she’s wearing the black patent heels I may beg her to take me back.


I begin to lift my head and suspect the bag of frozen peas is stuck to my face. It is and comes along for the ride as I stand straight, but they come in handy once peeled off my cheek and used as a shield for my raging erection.

Because, damn, she is wearing those heels.

“What are you doing here?” Jesus, that’s cold. And she’s probably just shopping. “Did you need help finding something?” My voice is smaller than I would have liked and Jessica sighs, which makes me smile. There’s the frustrated sigh I’ve missed.

“No Art, I’m here to see you.” Her eyes are huge, even bigger than normal in her little face and I wonder what she could want. “I need to talk to you.”

Her voice – I missed that too-  is always so soft and gentle, even when she’s telling me I’ve done something stupid. I swallow and press the frozen peas harder into my crotch. I hope the outline doesn’t poke right through like one of those Science Centre pin-push thingies that kids press their hands and faces on.

I brace for it, even as a dart of hope flashes through me. Jessica is here because I’ve left a box of CDs or a book at her place, or she wants me to remove the furniture I bought for the apartment but I don’t have anywhere to put it. I just want this over with and I’m blunter than I mean to be.

“What is it?” Her eyes grow impossibly larger, rounder and I feel my face screw up into a frown of confusion.

“Art,” Jessica begins. She glances down to my veg-covered crotch. The bag of peas is freezing my hands, yet has done nothing to make my erection subside. In fact, now it’s hard and frozen. I glance nervously at the frozen dessert section, visions of cock pops frightening me but I try to focus on Jess. She looks so nervous I’m a bit scared. Is she here to tell me she’s getting married or has a disease or something? At last she speaks.

“I believe I’ve made a terrible mistake.”


She wants me back. I’m stunned but know for sure I don’t want to have this conversation in the frozen food section of the grocer’s. And there’s always the chance Pervy Gran is going to drop by for an encore. I drop the bag of peas back into the freezer and lead her to one of the seldom used stock rooms. My heart speeds up as I listen.

“I think I was a bit hasty, Art. It’s just – I miss you and, well, I’ve always thought of you as a diamond in the rough – and I gave up too quickly.” She smiles shyly at me. “You just need a polish.”

I need a polish?

“You want me to change?” A thought occurs: I can change. I’ll try, but for the one thing. “You’re not asking me to give up my music are you? Because I can’t – it’s who I am, I -”

“No, of course not.” We’ve been leaning against boxes, side by side, and Jessica takes my hand now, tracing circles on my palm as she speaks. The party in my pants, which had subsided briefly, swings back into high gear, a disconcerting feeling because my cock is suddenly very hard – and still slightly frozen. “I miss you, Art.” She turns her body to face me and looks up with those great big eyes. She’s already said that.

“I’ve missed you too, I was just thinking about you and how you said I was sad and depressed and I think I know how to get some help, there’s this doctor in Canada, and I’ve bought a car – “ my babbling is cut short because she’s pulling me down to kiss.

Oh, her lips are soft and she’s wrapped herself right round me, clinging. I like kissing Jessica, I’ve missed this too. My skin prickles with happy heat and Little Art dances down below. I don’t want to get too far ahead of myself, though. What if she just wants a kiss? I let her do what she likes and she rubs my arms and pulls my hair – I like that – and pressing and wriggling hard into me so I know she knows that I’ve already got an erection.

“Art?” she breathes against my mouth. “This is one of the little changes I’d like you to make.” She draws back a bit to look at me. “Be more… forceful, aggressive. I don’t like to be the lead all the time.”

She goes right back to kissing me before I can respond. More forceful? Aggressive? I can do that. I’ve always been very gentle with Jess, she’s tiny and I didn’t want to hurt her, besides I’ve always thought slow and serious fitted the poetic soul she thought I had. Aggressive? I search my mind for a move.

Unfortunately, or fortunately, my mind isn’t cooperating at the moment but my hands do take over. I’m shocked at myself when I scoop her up and plunk her down to sit on the box we’d been leaning on. This brings her face on level with mine and her legs wrap around my waist. Mmm, I guess she liked that. And oh, Little Art likes that too.

Aggressive, aggressive,” I chant to myself. I pull on her waist as I kiss her neck so that we’re grinding now, and oh, that feels good. Forceful, forceful. I bite where her neck and shoulder meet, lightly, but I don’t think I’ve ever bit her before and she gasps. Jessica pulls hard on my shirt, pulls me closer. My hands have developed a mind of their own; they seem to like the words ‘forceful’ and ‘aggressive’. My fingers are long and strong from all the guitar playing and I knead Jess’ backside, pushing her heat into Little Art who is finally fully thawed.

“Lock the door, Art,” she breathes onto my neck as she’s kissing, and my lust-fuelled brain remembers where we are. I look, there is no lock and I don’t want to do this here anyway. I grab Jess by the waist and pull her down off the box. Aggressive, forceful, horny.  I may have added that last one.


“My car,” I blurt out. “My car is out the back.” And- wonder of wonders – there’s a door right from this stock room.

I grab Jess’ hand to lead her, but stop suddenly. I turn her to face me. We smile at each other for a second and I let every romantic gesture from movies, every outrageous move from porn that I’ve seen flood my consciousness. Jess leans forward, her eyes aren’t wide anymore, they’re heavy and her mouth is open because she’s breathing heavy, too. I kiss her again, holding her really tight, kissing her mouth and her chin and right down her shoulder back up to her ear. I lick the shell of her ear and whisper,

“I want to fuck you in my car, Jessica,” My voice is low and rough, I hardly recognize it as my own.

I can’t believe I just said that but, wow, she seems to like it because this moaning whimpering sound comes from her. Now my erection actually hurts. I’m not sure I can even walk but I have to, so I take her hand and we go through the door into the early evening.

It’s already a bit dark and I know exactly where I want to take her. It’s a spot close by, a narrow alley that never seems to be used. I’ve spent a lot of time there, thinking, brooding. This is going to be much better.

“You forgive me, Art? Do you think we should give this another chance?” She sounds breathless and her chest is still heaving from the kissing and grinding and me telling her I was going to fuck her in the car. She’s driven me mad these past few weeks. She wants me aggressive? I’ll be aggressive. I open the passenger door and guide her with a hand on the small of her back.

“Get in the car,” I practically growl. Jessica makes a little squeaking sound as she sits and I worry I’m taking this a bit too far. But when I close the door she looks up through the window and she’s smiling, excitement and lust in her eyes.

I hop into the driver’s side and close my eyes for a split second, sending up a plea to the gods of shite cars that it starts this time. Although I’m in such a state, and I believe Jess is too, that it’s quite possible we could do it right here behind the grocer’s. I turn the key in the ignition – Jesus, just inserting part A into part B is getting me hotter – the engine roars to life and I glance at Jess.

She’s squirming in her seat and her eyes are dancing between mine and my hands on the wheel and the bulge in my pants. She licks her lips and I feel my cock twitch.

“Where are we going?” Her voice is sexy and low, but I ignore her question. We only have about 5 minutes and I have a question for her.

“You said being more aggressive was just one of the changes you wanted. What else? What else do you want me to change?” I take my hand from the stick shift and put it on her leg, pushing her skirt back and dragging my fingers along the inside of her thigh. I raise my eyebrows at her; she hasn’t answered the question.

“I can’t… I can’t quite remember right now.” Her eyes roll back a bit as my fingers reach the edge of her panties, but I need to switch gears. Forceful, aggressive, dirty. OK, I added that last bit myself again. She’s watching my progress up her leg and has her hand at her mouth, biting on the edge of her thumb. I draw my hand back and take hers, placing it on her own leg, under her skirt.  Her head falls back against the seat and I have to remind myself to watch the road. Don’t want to crash now.

Almost there, I make the turn and accelerate a bit in eagerness, which means I have to brake harder. The car screeches to a halt and Jess is thrown forward, but I knew this would happen. Well, I hadn’t actually thought it through, but my hand is on its game today and flies out to restrain her.

Grabbing her breast in the process.

That sets her off and I barely manage to throw the car into park before she’s in my lap, straddling me. OK, but I’d kind of gotten used to this aggressive thing…

The blouse is loose-fitting and I get my hands up and under it, pulling it off in the same motion. She’s not wearing a bra. The ground seems to shift under the car and I’m very warm, my forehead feels fuzzy, like it’s trying to float right away.

I don’t touch her yet. I fumble down the side of the seat and find the release handle and the seat falls back abruptly and me with it.  I’m too hot… I want my shirt off, oh shit, I’m still wearing the ridiculous smock from the grocer’s.  I struggle out of it and Jessica lifts the hem of my shirt, running her hands up through the hair on my abdomen, letting her thumbs stroke my nipples and then back down my sides. I close my eyes and groan.

The shirt is gone in a flurry, her hands explore me, and her mouth sucks and licks each nipple. This feels familiar, though, and I step back up.

“Aggressive, forceful.”

My hands roam up her sides and I smile to see the gooseflesh left in their wake. I pull on her to bring her bare chest down on mine and we kiss again. I snake one hand into her hair to hold her there as my tongue tastes hers, traces her lips. The tension builds. I haven’t been this desperate for her in…

A light bulb goes off: she’s been taking my melancholy as rejection.

I’d taken her for granted. I almost lost her.

I’d be better for her, starting right now.

I run my hands along her thighs up under her skirt, her skin so soft, and she sighs. Her panties are wet right through and I feel impatient. I want them off and I’m aggressive now so I slide them right off and she steps out of them. But she looks nervous.

“Are you okay? Do you want to stop?” I ask nervously. If she makes me stop I hope she’s okay with me rubbing one out in front of her. I’m practically bursting.

“No, don’t stop,” she says, almost anxiously, and to punctuate the statement she writhes and pushes herself against my cock. Oh hell, the heat of her is too much and I groan again. “It’s just, I, um… I made a little change myself.”

I wonder at that. She didn’t have to change a thing, she’s perfect. I want to make her feel so good. That’s the sort of thing I should say out loud. I kiss along her neck, sucking hard enough to leave a few marks. That’s what scarves are for.

“I’m gonna make you feel so good, Jess. Sit up.” She pulls back, still straddling as I lie almost flat in the seat. What a view. My hands are back under her skirt and with her panties gone, there’s nothing in my way. I gasp and feel my eyes roll back. Bloody hell. She’s bare. That’s not a little change. I want to see but I want to feel all of her too and don’t want this skirt rucked about her waist. I want it gone.

It is my favourite skirt but it’s also one I can never get off her. It has one of those ‘hooks and eyes’ jobbies at the back and I know I’ll fumble with it.  I don’t want to make her frustrated with me; I don’t want to ruin this.

Aggressive, aggressive,” I chant to myself. I’m not going to fumble this time. I look Jess straight in the eye. I try to look dangerous, my eyes are narrowed and I breathe out through my nose.

“Take your skirt off. Now.” Her mouth falls open. Jesus, she really does like this, why didn’t she just tell me ages ago? Her hands fly to the back which has the immediate effect of jutting her chest out. I move fast, reaching round to trap both her hands behind her and sit up to take one of those cherry nipples into my mouth. “Oh, Jess,” I whisper around her breast. No, that sounds wrong. I bite down gently and look up to her. “Do you like it?” I make my voice rougher. She’s whimpering and grinding down on me again.

“Yes,” she pants and I can feel her fingers working the clasp and tugging on the zipper. I help her, hooking my fingers in the waistband and pulling down, letting her take over and kick the skirt away as I feast my eyes. Oh, Jesus Christ, it – she – is bare. I stare, I can’t help myself and I can’t break the spell of her bare pussy right there. My hands are low on her hips, holding her steady while my thumbs sweep down and all around the soft, bare skin. Her breathing is hitching, it matches my own. I drag a thumb lower, through her folds and feel her wet heat. We both make the same strangled sound at the same time.

“Say something, Arthur, please? Do you like it?”

Unbidden, the image of hair being ripped from this sweet flesh flashes before my eyes, and I grimace, my hand going reflexively to my groin. I swallow and look up to her.

“Did it hurt?” I stroke her again and her eyes close. She nods.

“Yes, quite a bit. But I like it.” I’m running my fingers along the smoothness, dragging the wetness up and over her lips. Neither aggressive, nor forceful this thought, but the only one I can think of.

“Want me to kiss it better?” I ask with a small half-smile. Jessica moans and her head drops to the side. The next moment we’re both looking around the car, measuring the logistics of making my offer a reality.

It takes some manoeuvring but at last she’s settled almost flat on her back in the passenger seat which is pushed back as far as it can go. I’m kneeling in the wheel-well, hovering over her. The scent of her fills the car, the old style Obsession perfume she wears and… her. I’m almost drunk with it. I lean forward to place the promised kiss at the top of her pussy, right where the slit starts.

I turn my head to the side and methodically kiss every centimetre of her skin, first one side, then the other and like my hand before, now my tongue takes over and slides between her lips. She’s wriggling around, making these little gasping noises that seem to vibrate in my cock. I’ve made her scream a few times and decide that is my goal. I think to myself that she’d like to hear this.

“I want to make you scream, Jess, do you want more? Tell me.” Her head is rocking back and forth which could mean ‘no’ but I don’t think so. Then her hands are in my hair and pushing my face back where she wants me. So that’s a ‘yes’. I’ve been holding her hips to hold her still, she’s tiny but bucking hard; she could send me into the dashboard.

There go my hands off on their own again, one back up to her breast to twist and pull, while the other lets two fingers stroke those glistening lips again, gathering up moisture and then push into her. Oh Jesus, she feels good inside, hot and wet and tight. She’s moaning now, her hands are over her head, grasping the headrest which she’s using as leverage to push hard against my hand.

I put my mouth back on her, running my tongue between her lips, opening her up so I can get to her clit. I flick it with my tongue, once, twice and pump my fingers all the way in and out. I’m going to explode if I don’t get my cock inside her soon but I want her to come.

“Be more… aggressive, forceful.”

So I tell her to.

“Come now, Jess, come all over my fingers and then I’ll fuck you,” I growl this against her belly as I twist my fingers – I read that in a book just last week – and fuck me, she does. She screams a string of expletives and her back arches right off the seat and her pussy clamps down on my fingers. I come awfully close to coming myself.

I touch her gently as she calms, kind of in awe frankly. We’ve been together for a while and I’ve never seen that before. I guess I’ve never done what I’m doing to her now before, either. It’s awkward getting my pants off, they’re too tight to start with and my now painful erection is somewhat trapped, but finally, finally, I’m free. Well, mostly. There’s no way I can get my shoes off so my pants are in a puddle around my ankles.

I don’t care. And I don’t think Jessica does either.

I trail kisses on my way up, across her smooth belly up to her breasts, giving each one a long, sucking kiss, moving up to her neck which I can see I have marked, but, again, that’s what scarves are for. At long last, I reach her mouth, her beautiful, sweet, full mouth. I don’t feel forceful or aggressive now, I just feel thankful so I kiss her. Soft and slow and trying to show her what I feel. But she seems to like this too because she’s melting below me and her hands are on my face.

I think she really loves me. It feels like it.

I don’t stop kissing her as I toe the line between forceful and tender. “Touch me Jessica.” My tone is soft but the words say what I want. Is that enough?

Her hot hand roams down, along my arm, past my side, combing my belly hair.

“God, I’ve missed you,” she moans, as her hand wraps round my cock. “Art?” She meets my eye. “You really are magnificent. My diamond, you’re my diamond. I knew you just needed a polish.”

I groan and the car tilts because the word ‘polish’ is making me think of blow jobs and I don’t even want one right now. The heat and the relief feel so good as her hand squeezes and strokes me. But only for a minute, not even. I want more. My hand reaches for her breast and my thumb circles round her nipple. It gets impossibly harder, just like me.

“Put me inside you.”

She lines me up and holds me as I sink into her. Oh fuck, how did I forget how good this feels? Why didn’t I do this every time she asked? How did I ever allow wallowing to come between us? She’s sighing and moving already, I’m only half-way in, I can feel her stretching around me. So fucking hot.

“I love you.” I blurt it out and regret it immediately. That’s not forceful or aggressive.

I cradle her head in my hands as I push the rest of the way in and use the low, rough voice again.

“Do you love me?” I hold still, wait for her answer. Her eyes flutter open and I can feel her writhing beneath me trying to create some movement, some friction, but I lay on top of her and she can’t move much. “Do you love me?” I repeat.

She nods with a smile. “Yes.” The smile changes, her mouth drops right open as I reward her answer with the movement she wants, thrusting into her. I don’t know how I’m going to hold on so I stop.

I ask again, for the reassurance and to gain back some control. “Do you love me, Jessica?” There’s no hesitation this time.

“Yes, yes, Art, I love you.” I rock again, back and forth, in and out, I swivel my hips and feel when I hit that spot because she convulses below me. I stop the movement and kiss her neck.

“Tell me again.” I’m close and I’ll have to be aggressive and forceful again. Because I want her to come with me.

“I love you,” she whispers and I feel it too. We’ve gone back to the start, just like in that Coldplay song.

“Nobody said it was easy, it’s such a shame for us to part, nobody said it was easy, no one ever said it would be this hard. Oh let’s go back to the start.”

I move now, I can’t help myself, it’s as if my body and my cock have a mind of their own and know what they want and are going to have it. The windows are fogged over, the car is shaking with the force of my thrusts. It’s good, so good, so hot and tight and she squeezing me, she’s close too. I shift to the side, still moving, faster now and my fingers circle her clit and bite my lip to hold on for just one… more… minute.

“Come with me.” I swivel my hips again and Jess convulses, gasping. I don’t stop this time, I do it again and again and oh….

She’s screaming, my name and she loves me and I’m roaring all that and some nonsense too. Her walls are tightening, pulsing around me and I explode inside of her, slowing the pace but moving until I feel myself softening.

I shift us to our sides, staying inside her. There’s going to be a mess but I don’t worry about that now. Maybe I’ll use my smock. We hold each other as our breathing slows and when she looks up to me she’s smiling, her eyes are huge again, and happy.

“Jessica,” I say, but it comes out choked and weak sounding. Aggressive, forceful, confident. I’ve added the last one. I clear my throat and try again. “Jessica, what other changes did you want me to make. Besides being more aggressive and forceful.”  And horny and dirty and confident.

She smiles a beautiful smile and strokes my cheek. “You know what, Art? I think that’ll do.”


All of the winners’ stories can be found HERE – make sure to change the rating to ALL, or you won’t get any of the rated M stories (read: ALL of the submitted stories).

13 responses

  1. WOW Thanks guys!! It’s an honour… I’ll have peas with my dinner to celebrate! 😉

    July 16, 2010 at 9:36 am

    • Yeah, I’m back replying to myself, I’m excited!! I’d like to thank my beta’s @mrsaubergine and @QuantumFizzx. They gave it a ‘polish’. *snort*

      July 16, 2010 at 10:18 am

    • RobsButtonsBabe

      CONGRATS SWEET HEART! you definitely earned it! 😀

      July 16, 2010 at 3:06 pm

  2. IfOnly

    Loved it Deb!! You captured Art perfectly! XO

    July 16, 2010 at 10:21 am

  3. Annie

    Art is perfectly adorkable. Great job deb24601!

    July 16, 2010 at 10:46 am

  4. Dee

    Deb that was great!!! I love Arthur! Wouldn’t we all like to help polish him lol

    July 16, 2010 at 11:05 am

  5. girl power

    Laughed so hard I almost pea-ed

    July 16, 2010 at 11:05 am

    • RobsButtonsBabe


      July 16, 2010 at 3:04 pm

  6. Christa64c

    Way to go Art!! During that whole movie I was thinking that boy needs to get a little “attention”.

    Great job deb24601!!!

    July 16, 2010 at 12:04 pm

  7. i agree! great job! i loved the story just as much as i love the movie “how to be”!

    July 16, 2010 at 2:18 pm

  8. mrsaubergine

    Ska-wee! I freakin’ told you it was good! Congrats, bb. Well deserved!

    July 16, 2010 at 9:01 pm

  9. heatherels

    Love this! Super hot and sexy car scene! And you really did capture Art so well. Great job!!

    July 18, 2010 at 3:11 pm

  10. Melanie

    That was GREAT!!
    I’ve fallen inlove with Art even more now!!

    August 5, 2010 at 11:36 am

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