You Fic It, We Nip It: 3rd Place
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Today, we present our third place winner in our “You Fic It, We Nip It” Contest — The Hardest Thing — written by @randommama!!
Read @randommama’s – The Hardest Thing after the lip bite….
The Hardest Thing
I stood anxiously outside of Bella’s door, waiting for her to answer. I shifted my weight uncomfortably from foot to foot and wrung my hands together in nervous anticipation. It had only been mere seconds, from the time I rang her doorbell to when she opened her door for me, greeting me with that sexy, irresistible, signature smile of hers; however, it had felt like hours while I was waiting out on her doorstep.
I groaned internally, as I took a good look at her before stepping inside. She was amazingly beautiful and inviting as always, with her long brown hair tied in a high ponytail. She was wearing a short, tight, lacy, spaghetti strapped, black mini-dress that hugged her curves in all the right places, and paired it with her favorite black high-heeled, peep-toed, stilettos which further elongated her already long and lean legs. The dress must have been new, cause I didn’t remember having seen her ever wear it, or having seen it in her closet. I would’ve remembered a dress like that.
Oh God, that dress made her boobs and her ass look fantastic.
In turn, her eyes raked appreciatively over my form. I didn’t miss the way she licked her lips and the artful look in her eyes.
I groaned again, this time possibly audibly, as Bella shot me a quizzical glance, but I couldn’t be certain. My mind was too busy focusing on trying to stave off my erection that was already springing to life in the confines of my pants. It certainly wasn’t what I wanted to happen straightaway.
As soon as I made my way through the door, Bella pulled me in close, wrapping herself around me, and wanted some affection. We hadn’t seen each other for a couple days while I was away at a teaching conference. Her glorious scent wafted over me, making me heady, and almost making me lose hold of my already tenuous control.
Bella always affected me this way. She had me wrapped around her finger, and she knew it. It was impossible for me to deny her anything or resist her. If I wasn’t careful, we’d both be naked in seconds, and I would forget what I actually came here to do, talking myself out of it within mere moments of seeing her glorious naked body and knowing that she was ready for me.
No matter what, I need to maintain my composure, and no matter how difficult, I’d have to act cold towards her.
Before she could even brush her lips on mine, I disentangled myself from her embrace, bypassed her, and headed straight for the mini-bar in her living room. I began rummaging through the spirits, deciding what would be the best choice.
What I needed was a stiff drink, the stronger the better. Bella was not going to make this easy on me.
I surveyed her reaction from my place at the bar. She still stood there, just inside her door, momentarily stunned. She visibly pouted, her initial warm smile had faded. She shot me a scowl, and I sheepishly looked down, then she wordlessly shuffled her way over to the kitchen where she started toying with some last minute preparations for our dinner.
I obviously upset her with my rebuff. It wasn’t necessarily my intention, but I thought that it could work to my advantage. I couldn’t have the way she obviously affected me distract me from my objective tonight. I was going to have to be cruel to be kind.
I poured myself a quick glass of scotch, then downed it just as quickly, letting it burn its way down my throat. It did little to soothe my nerves, so I poured myself another and drank it just as fast.
I caught sight of Bella glancing at me warily as she finished setting the table where we’d be eating. She seemed to want to say something to me, but kept thinking better of it. She would open her mouth, as if to speak, but would close it before she even uttered a sound.
I knew I should say something to address the obvious tension that now filled the room. Instead, I chose to ignore that I had this knowledge, and nonchalantly played it off as if there was nothing to address.
“Can I make you something from here, Bella?” I called out and asked her. Normally, I would have called her “love”, my pet name for her, but we couldn’t have any more of that tonight.
Bella didn’t answer, so I looked over to her, having feigned extreme interest with the contents of her bar. Once I had her attention, she exaggeratedly nodded her head “no” then sat down, pointing to the other chair and place setting, bidding me to sit. I made my way over to the table, carrying my refilled glass of scotch, and plopped myself onto my seat. I avoided making eye contact and I had yet to utter any real words of conversation.
From my periphery, I could see Bella continue to give me wary glances. Bella had already noticed that I was acting strange. I could almost see the wheels turning in her head, trying to decipher why. I wasn’t about to give her more information than she needed to have at the moment. Awkward and brutal as this night was going to be, I still selfishly wanted to prolong my time with her.
I hadn’t really been hungry before I arrived, but suddenly I felt starved. I piled spoonfuls of food onto my plate and began shoveling it into my mouth, as if I hadn’t eaten a decent meal in days. It was my attempt to avoid having to talk for the time being, but it was also because Bella chose to make my favorite meal. Bella was always thoughtful; she cooked this for me in order to welcome me back after having been away. It seemed fitting that she did this, seeing that this would probably be the very last time I’d get to taste these savory morsels in my mouth. I focused solely on eating and relished each and every bite.
Bella, amongst her other amazing qualities, was a wonderful cook. Damn! Her expertise around the kitchen was one of the things I was going to miss most about her.
I gripped the drink in my hand, as if it was a life preserver for my drowning self. It was my liquid courage, and I was gathering all I could before I could no longer put off what I had come to do. It surely didn’t escape Bella that I was anxious and nervous, judging from the looks she had been giving me, and I think I had caused her to become as anxious and nervous also.
Admittedly, this wasn’t normal behavior for me. However, Bella knew me well enough to not press me while I was thoroughly enjoying the meal. She could already see that I was in some mood, so she just began to dig into her meal, albeit with a grimace on her face. We ate in companionable silence, or rather I ate, and she pretended to do so.
While I had managed several helpings of the delicious mushroom ravioli and grilled chicken dinner she made, to occupy me, it didn’t look like Bella ate much, if any at all. She seemed to just be pushing her food around on her plate, occasionally taking a few small bites, probably just to appease me. She knew how I valued her health, and eating proper meals was always a point of contention with us. I supposed I had caused her to lose her appetite.
At some point, the tension must’ve been too much for her to take, because she grabbed my newly emptied glass and made her way to the bar. She refilled my glass and poured herself her own drink, bringing it back over to the table with her. I nodded in thanks. I felt a bit guilty knowing that my mood was ruining what should’ve been a great dinner. I managed to throw away all the gentlemanly teachings my mother had instilled me by not even bothering to stand as she returned to the table nor pull her chair out for her before she sat down.
God, could I be any more obvious?
I knew exactly why I was acting this way. I had made up my mind days before, during the conference, that tonight would be the last time I would be seeing Bella or interacting with her in any capacity. I loved this woman very much, yet I was going to sever our romantic ties and take myself completely out of her world. It would be as if I never existed. I was going to break her heart, and in turn, mine would be aching just as much, but I wasn’t going to be able to show her that. It would be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. Telling her that she no longer meant anything to me, would be the biggest lie I had ever had to muster.
Truthfully, I didn’t want to leave her and end our clandestine affair. In fact, I wanted to do the complete opposite. I wanted to claim her, make her fully mine legitimately, and I’d be hers alone finally. I wanted to profess my undying love to her in front of God and the rest of the world. At one time, I would’ve thought that it may have been possible; however, things had drastically changed and I just couldn’t do this anymore.
I had no doubt in my mind that Bella was the perfect woman for me; dare I even say she was my soul mate. She exhibited all the qualities that I ever wanted in a mate, and even held many qualities that I never knew that I wanted nor needed in a woman, until I had met her. Bella was my everything in this world. She was always a bright spot in my life.
It pained me to think about losing her. It pained me even more to think about the next man that will come after me and take my place.
So why in the hell was I going to end this seemingly perfect relationship that I had going with Bella?
Oh yeah, that’s right, it was extremely wrong of me to keep cheating on my wife and keep Bella trapped in this dead-end relationship. The fact of the matter was that Bella was only my mistress, pure and simple, and our relationship would never go beyond that, not anymore.
Every fiber of my being screamed for me not to do this, telling me that I’d be making one of the biggest mistakes of my life by walking away from Bella now; however, the time had come for me to make a choice, and in the end, I finally chose Bella’s happiness over mine. That was just how much I loved her. I was willing to let her go, despite how much I loved and cared for her, so she’d have her freedom. I wasn’t going to be able to give her what she ultimately needed, which was a complete commitment from me. No matter how much she claimed that she was fine with the way things were between us, I knew better. Realistically, we couldn’t carry on with our affair indefinitely. A choice had to be made sooner or later.
I was just an adulterer, having no real claims to Bella and having no right to take advantage of her with matters of the heart. Bella would be better off finding someone whose heart wasn’t torn, and I had no doubt in my mind that she would.
Fuck! In a perfect world, Bella and I would be that couple- the sickeningly in love, married one, that turned other people’s stomachs due to the sheer amount of happiness we were experiencing and affection we were exhibiting. Every male in existence would know that Bella was mine. All that would matter to us was how completely in love we were and that we were living happily ever after. However, real life was certainly far from perfect, and Bella and I weren’t living characters in some stinking fairy tale.
God, how I wished things were different and I could freely be with Bella.
I knew that I was basically scum, maybe even less than that. I berated myself constantly with that knowledge. On top of deceiving my poor wife Kate for months now, I had also turned Bella into a kept woman, and Bella certainly deserved more. I knew I was so undeserving of the love that both of these women freely gave to me. I was such a poor excuse for a man. I could have made all our lives easier by just controlling myself, by controlling my lust and need for Bella, but I chose to be selfish and seemingly have my cake and eat it too.
This double life I was leading was wearing on me. I came to that realization while I was away from both of my ladies.
Admittedly, it was not the easiest of tasks to keep an affair hidden. I had done a very good job up until recently. I knew that I’d be starting to make more mistakes soon, if I hadn’t already. My sister, Alice, had started to snoop around, and that could only lead to disaster if it ever led to discovery. In order to protect Bella from potential fallout, it was best that I ended things now. Like I said, it wasn’t like it wasn’t going to happen sooner or later, anyways.
We began our scandalous relationship with Bella knowing that I was married and that I was very committed to Kate. When we entered into this forbidden relationship, I had made no promises to Bella. She knew that, more than likely, I would never leave my wife and our relationship would go nowhere. We both entered into the affair willingly and without any deceptions. We had no illusions about having a happy ending for the two of us. I had never lied to Bella about my intentions or my feelings. I was completely honest with her from the very beginning, as I could never lie to her, since I felt that she always deserved better. I had given her plenty of chances to leave me, move on to someone more appropriate and most of all free to be with her like she was very deserving of; however, she chose to be with me, to stick it out this undercover relationship.
I had asked her once why she would want to be with me and allow herself to become the other woman. I had gotten the sense that she wasn’t the type of woman to take up relations with a married man. At least, she wasn’t the sort before we had gotten together. There was no hesitation or wavering in her answer. She professed that when we met, she knew down deep inside that I would be the only man for her and that she had fallen in love with me instantly. She also thought that we were perfectly made for one another, except under the circumstances, I just wasn’t available to be with her the way she would’ve hoped. However, she had thought about it, and decided that it didn’t matter. She wanted me anyways.
Our situation wasn’t ideal, but she would still take me any way she could, and no matter how much time she would have with me, it was always better than the alternative, which was being apart and never living the experience. She knew full well that it could end at any moment, but she’d rather have loved then lost me, than live with the regret of not knowing what could’ve happened. She was willing to take a chance at love if I was.
Her attitude about our relationship was admirable. Bella was a strong woman. I had no doubt that Bella would end up being okay after this breakup. She would hurt, but after some time, she’d heal and move on; there was no question. It was that knowledge that gave me the fortitude to go through with leaving her. I, on the other hand, had my doubts about the well-being of my heart after Bella.
In a way, Bella was being selfish also. She was no innocent party in all of this. She didn’t care about the repercussions, or how this made her look in the eyes of the judgmental public. She wanted to be with me and felt she had no choice. Sickening as it may sound, it made my heart swell, and made me admire her all the more.
I, too, felt that I had no choice. The pull between the two of us was just too strong to fight. No matter how hard I tried initially, I failed.
It was the truth. Bella and I couldn’t bear being apart from one another. It was my same reason for justifying our relationship and putting us both through all this utter bullshit. Bella was entitled to better than stealth dates, secret getaways, the lies, having me leaving her bed for another’s, and having to power through watching me in the arms of Kate on occasion.
However, I could see that no matter how hard she was fighting against, she was longing for more now. Our hidden relationship was wearing on her too. She wanted to be Kate, and what was even harder for her was that she knew that it was her I loved, and she should be the one by my side. It was killing me to have to see her go through that.
Before I met Bella, I had had no thoughts or plans whatsoever to cheat on my wife. I was raised better than that by my parents. I was taught that when you made your commitment to a woman, then that commitment was honored and was until death did part you. I had made that commitment to Kate, not having known any better.
My commitment to Kate was wholehearted, although I knew even then that I didn’t really love her enough. She loved me far more than I could ever love her. In hindsight, I loved Kate like I loved a best friend or a sister. I didn’t have nearly the depth of feelings for Kate that I felt for Bella.
Once I met Bella, everything in my world changed. I knew I was completely in love with Bella and she totally encompassed every fiber of my being. Bella had stirred feelings inside of me that I had never experienced before, not even with Kate. I knew that I had fallen in love with her fairly quickly, but really there was no way for me to have prevented it. I realized early on, when Bella and I tried to solely remain friends, that my love for Kate didn’t even register as one-tenth of what I felt for Bella. Kate and I got along well and were fairly compatible, but she was nowhere near the perfect match for me like Bella was. I really am ashamed for thinking this, but I really would’ve rather vowed to love, honor, and protect Bella. If only life had brought us together sooner.
Because I hadn’t known that Bella even existed, I settled for Kate, believing that I could be content to live out the rest of my days with her. For the most part, I was still happy with Kate. Kate had her flaws, but she was a good woman, she was good to me, she loved and cherished me, and she honored our marriage. She had done nothing to warrant my infidelity, and she certainly deserved far better than an unfaithful husband. Bella also deserved better than me. I planned to begin remedying my mistakes tonight, starting with Bella.
It should’ve been easy to divorce Kate, to allow me to be with Bella the way we should be. But, life wasn’t simple. I could have made things easier for myself in the first place if I left Kate before starting relations with Bella. It was too late now to go down that road. I had my reasons for not ending my commitment to Kate.
Things were far more complicated, and the damage was already done. I couldn’t go back, but only move forward. So here we stood, with me about to let go of the only love I had ever known. It was tearing me up inside, but Bella could never know how much it hurt for me to say goodbye.
I had eaten my fill of dinner and could see that Bella wasn’t going to finish her food. It was best to start clearing the table. Since Bella had made the fabulous dinner, I decided to clean up. It was going to buy me more time. I was procrastinating. I just didn’t know how to start the conversation. I wanted to let her down easy, but was clueless as to how I would go about doing that. Throughout dinner, I was trying to think of the best way to start our talk, and going over possible scenarios. I still hadn’t decided what I was I going to do. All I knew was that I would need to portray a stoic front.
I hope she doesn’t start the waterworks. I won’t be able to walk away if she starts crying.
Bella could see that we’re finished with dinner, and she made to get up and start work on the clean-up. I stood and placed a gentle hand on top of hers, stopping her, but immediately withdrew my touch.
“Thanks for such a great meal, Bella,” I started. “It really was delicious. You did all the work, and I’m sure you must’ve had a long enough day. Let me clean up, okay?” I asked with a small smile, then began to clear away the dishes. Those were the most words I had said to Bella all night.
Bella nodded and silently made her way back to the bar to refill her glass. I focused on the task at hand, awhile replaying in my head the best possible words to say to let her know that it was over between us. I was already being so cold towards her, which didn’t escape her notice considering how she was starting to down her drink, and I knew that it would only go downhill from here. Just thinking that already felt like a knife stabbing my heart.
I balanced the dishes in my hands and made my way over to the sink. I scraped off the remaining contents of the plates into the trash, and decided to forgo placing the dishes in the dishwasher, instead washing them by hand. My mind was in overdrive thinking of how to break the news to her that this night would be the last she’d see me, and my heart was already starting to feel the pain.
I could see Bella was taken aback by my decision to wash the dishes by hand. Again, this wasn’t normal behavior for me. Usually, I would postpone clean-up or hurry it along, just so we could be together. Bella, rightfully, continued to glance at me leeringly.
She sighed exaggeratedly aloud before inquiring with a thoughtful look on her face, “Edward, what’s wrong?” “You’ve been acting…..different, since you got here. Is everything alright?” Bella called out before taking the last sip of her drink.
“Nothing is really wrong. I just have a lot on my mind, Bella,” I answered back. “I’m sorry,” I responded sincerely. “I know how you must’ve been looking forward to tonight, and I must be ruining your evening,” I stated with an audible sigh. “Maybe I’m just more tired from the trip than I initially thought.”
I was pretty sure that I had a guilty look on my face. I knew that I was going to further ruin her night, and it seriously troubled me to have to lie to her.
Hopefully, when this is all through, I come out of it fairly unscathed, apart from the broken heart I’d be sporting.
“You’re obviously lying,” Bella stated, as she placed her empty glass down on the bar, then made her way over to me by the sink. I chose to ignore that statement.
As I finished cleaning up, I was taken by surprise when her arms wrapped around me from behind. I stiffened, not my normal, physical response to her.
“I’ve missed you, y’know,” she said in a soft voice. “It’s been a long four days while you’ve been gone.”
She began to spread kisses on my back, above the fabric of my shirt, and she tiptoed up to place a kiss on the exposed skin at the back of my neck. For the second time this evening, I had to tame my body’s impulses. I chanted a mantra of willpower silently under my breath, and let visions that were sure to be erection killers, dance in my mind. I continued to concentrate on finishing up the last plate in my hands, trying desperately to just focus on the task at hand, and not the absolutely beautiful woman holding me and kissing me.
As much as I wanted to make love to her tonight, it wouldn’t be prudent. I doubt she’d appreciate getting the goodbye fuck from me after she learns it would be the last time.
Either she didn’t register my reaction or it didn’t bother her, because she didn’t flinch. She pressed her body flushed with mine then laid her head against my back. I nearly dropped the plate that I was drying. I finished quickly and gently placed the plate onto her strainer by the sink. We just stood there frozen in this position, neither one of us saying a word. I dried my hands on the drying towel, then placed my hands over hers.
I closed my eyes and took several deep breaths. My willpower was undoubtedly failing. That was just the effect she had on me. A simple touch from her could send my body into overdrive. No longer in control of my body, I melted into her. My knees grew weak and my entire frame relaxed into hers. While it felt like she had been holding me this way for hours, it was probably only minutes before she broke the silence between us.
“When is Kate expecting you back?” She asked in a small voice.
“Not until tomorrow morning. She doesn’t know that I left the conference earlier than expected,” I muttered.
“Do you feel guilty being here with me? Is that why you’ve been acting so cold? You can leave if you want, and surprise her with your early arrival back. She’d think that it was because of her. I’m sure she’d love that. I’m sure she’s missed you just as much I have,” Bella stated. Her voice breaking a little as she tried to hold back a sob.
I turned in her arms, perplexed by her words. She kept her face down, her eyes trained to the floor, looking at our feet as if there was something remotely interesting with our shoes. I placed my thumb and index finger under her chin and tilted her face up to meet mine, and gazed intensely into her deep brown depths. She held my stare and her eyes were just as intense. It was the first real eye contact I made with her all evening. I could see glistening in her eyes, her tears already threatening to erupt, and I hadn’t even divulged the worst of the news yet. I felt agony inside.
“Why would you say something like that?” I asked, feeling somewhat angry at her words now. “You really think that when I’m with you I’d rather be somewhere else….that I want to be with Kate. How silly does that sound? Bella, I risk everything just to be with you.”
“I understand that, Edward. But, tonight, you’re so…so distant. It’s not like you’re really here with me. Something is going on with you for sure,” Bella said exasperatedly. “And please don’t tell me that it was the trip, or anything to do with the conference. I’m not stupid, Edward. You wouldn’t be acting this way unless it has something to do with me, or us. Just talk to me, please. You don’t think I didn’t know that you’ve been trying to avoid talking to me all night. It’s not like you to be procrastinating. Please, whatever it is, just say it,” she concluded.
I let out a sigh, releasing a deep breath I hadn’t realized I was holding. “Bella, alright, no more avoidance. I should’ve known better than to try to fool you. We need to talk,” I said gravely.
We were still holding onto one another tightly and looking directly into each other’s eyes. She stared deeply into my green depths, searching for her answers. Silent communication passed between us, and in that moment, I knew that I didn’t need to say any more. Her expression darkened and just like that she knew. She knew that I was breaking things off. It was over. No words had to pass between us. She only needed to search my eyes again for confirmation. What she would never know was how much it hurt deep down inside, right down to my soul, to be letting her go.
My arms went slack and I made to disengage myself from our embrace, believing that it was time for me to take my leave. There was nothing more to be said or done.
However, Bella did the most unexpected thing, proving once again, how often she could surprise me. She wrapped my arms around her waist and held onto me as tightly as her tiny frame could garner. I hugged her back just as strongly. I no longer willed my erection to stand down.
Her lips met mine, and my mouth automatically opened up to her; wanting to dance with her tongue. She obliged, her mouth opening up to me, as the kiss deepened. As soon as our tongues melded and mated, it was as if a spark ignited inside of me. She still wanted me, she wanted this, and her body was giving me a silent request. I couldn’t deny her any longer, and I felt I had no choice but to give in to her and grant her one final, memorable night.
My hands moved of their own volition from the small of her back to cup the swells of her ass. She returned the gesture by moving her fingers, that had been entangled within the hairs at the back of my head, slowly down my back and down to my own butt. She gave my butt a good squeeze, and we broke the kiss and started giggling in each other’s mouths. It was a moment of lightness at an otherwise heavy time.
Within seconds, we were heatedly kissing again. I pushed off the counter, where I had been leaning, and began to walk her backwards out of the kitchen. Her hands went to the hem of my shirt and we temporarily parted our lips so that she could pull it up and over my head and discard it. Our lips met again and we continued to make our way down the hall towards her bedroom, never really breaking our kiss, and discarding more of our clothing along the way. By the time we entered her room and I guided her towards the bed, she was only clad in her panties and high heels, and I was left in my boxers. My cock was thankful that only a thin layer fabric was left standing in his way from absolute freedom from confinement.
Her knees bumped against the edge of the bed and I slowly pushed her down to sit. I abandoned her lips and kissed a slow trail to her neck and on down to the swells of her breasts. I took first one nipple into my mouth and then the other, eliciting a moan from Bella’s lips, before moving my lips down her torso and onto her flat stomach. I laid her down gently onto the bed and continued to kiss down her body, heading towards her center. I placed a quick kiss on her center, above the fabric of her panties, causing another moan to escape her lips, before making my way down her leg until I reached her heeled foot. I slipped her stilettos off her feet and threw them over my shoulder. My fingers massaged their way back up her long, lean legs with my mouth following with soft kisses. I once again placed a soft kiss on her sex, and Bella’s hips bucked towards my mouth.
Bella sat up a little so that she could scoot herself further up the bed. I followed her lead and glided my way up her frame until I hovered above her. I supported my weight with my left arm, while the fingers of my right slipped her panties off her hips and down her legs. She shimmied them down to her ankles and deftly flung them off with her feet. Then her hands went to remove my boxers.
Once we were both completely naked, touching skin to skin, my fingers again went down to her heated center and with gentle massaging touches worked their way down from her pubic mound, to her soft folds, gently circling her clit, before poising them at her entrance. I could already feel that she was very wet and ready for me. I teased her with slight brushes of my fingers at her entrance, but never pushed them within her. She panted heavily, her hips continuing to buck against my hand, looking for friction. Her hands absentmindedly fumbled for purchase on any part of my body, as we continued to exchange open-mouth kisses between our lips, and she kissed my jaw while I kissed her neck. I found the sweet spot right under her earlobe and began to suckle on it while I slipped my fingers inside her entrance and began to pump in and out. She moaned and keened, and my cock twitched with every sound, itching to be inside of her. It wasn’t long before I made her come for the first time and she screamed out in ecstasy.
Before she could come down from her orgasm, I guided my cock just shy of her wet heat, then slowly entered, thrilling in the feel of her still throbbing center. I began to thrust, setting a slow, steady rhythm, and after just a couple of movements, as my mouth once again mated with hers, I could feel her inner walls clamp down once again, gripping my cock like a vice. I continued my movements, gradually increasing my pace. Bella was tight, wanton, and matched me thrust for thrust.
I could feel the onset of my own release, but wanting to prolong our lovemaking, I changed up our position. I rolled us over, so that she was now on top and held control. She began to ride me, her hands splayed on my chest supporting her weight, and I had the excellent opportunity to give her delectable peaks some attention. She came once more, and again, I changed our position.
While still inside her, I used my strength to get myself up to a semi-sitting stance and began our thrusting movements that way. I would pull my cock almost all the way out before thrusting back in deep. I was able to make her come again, and I luxuriated in the fact that only I could affect her in such a way, and keep her coming repeatedly during sex.
I mentally gave myself a fist pump for being able to ward off my own orgasm. Every time I would feel it building, I would just change our positions or our pace, so that I wouldn’t climax. We had been making love for a while, our bodies getting weary from our exertion, a sheen of sweat covered our forms.
I was definitely going to wear Bella out tonight. She would be sore come morning, but since this was going to be our last night together, I wanted to give to her as much pleasure as I possibly could. In my mind, it was penance for having to leave her.
I poured all of my heart and soul into each rhythmic thrust, trying to show her with my actions, without actually telling her, how much I loved her and how I was unwillingly making this choice. It made our lovemaking all the more intense. I couldn’t imagine what heaven would be like, but I figured that reaching new heights of ecstasy with Bella was very close to my idea of heaven.
She came one last time, after we returned to our original position. Unable to stave off my climax any longer, I quickly followed her, coming with a force, pumping wildly into her. I grunted while she screamed and moaned my name. The once silent room echoed with our sexual voices.
We collapsed onto the bed, and Bella immediately entwined herself as much possible with my form, resting her weary head on my chest. I pulled her in close, as close to me as was possible.
“Bella…..I….” I began to say, but she interrupted.
“Shhh……don’t say anything Edward. You don’t have to. It’s not like I wasn’t expecting our time together to come to an end at some point. Please…..please just hold me close until the morning when you have to go.”
I gave her a kiss on the forehead and we didn’t say any more words. We gave ourselves over to sleep, but we both couldn’t stay asleep for long. The reality that this was our last night together hit us profoundly. Each time we’d wake, we’d make love again, every new round becoming more and more desperate, as the evening darkness turned into the early morning light of dawn.
I was spooning Bella, never relenting on my promise to hold her throughout the night, when the sun was high enough in the sky, and a glance at the clock on her bedside table signaled me that it was time to go. Our time was up. No matter how much I wished that time had slowed to a snail’s pace, it wasn’t to be, and had caught up with us.
I could feel Bella’s sobs as they wracked her chest. I didn’t know what I could do to comfort her. Nothing had changed.
I placed a kiss into her hair and said, “Bella, love, I’m so sorry! Please believe that!” My own tears began to streak down my face. “You know that I wish I could choose you. I just….I just can’t,” I said, my voice soft and raspy from my own tears that I was shedding. “I love you, Bella. You’re the only one for me. Please believe that wholeheartedly. It’s just not our time. I’ll always love you, Bella. I’ll never forget you.”
I placed another kiss on top of her head, and gave her one last embrace, before I made my way out of her bed. I found my boxers and put them on, then stepped out into the hall and began gathering my discarded clothes and shoes from last night. I returned inside the room to get fully dressed, it was an excuse to check on Bella.
Bella never turned to face me. She buried herself deep within the covers and continued to sob. My heart broke for us. My own tears, not as steadily streaming as hers, were just as present. I decided against a shower, not wanting to prolong the torturous goodbye any longer. I finished getting dressed, and before making my way out of the room, stopped to kiss her forehead one last time.
“To make it easier on you, I’ll make it so it’ll be like I never existed in your life. Take care of yourself, okay. I love you, Bella. I’m so sorry,” I whispered once more.
“Just go,” was all Bella managed to say in a very small voice.
I made my way out of the bedroom and down to the front door. I paused, finding it difficult to make myself take the step outside. My hand lingered on the knob, as I continued to hear Bella’s sorrow. My heart clenched, but I didn’t bother to turn myself around, knowing that I would lose my will to leave if I didn’t go now. With a deep breath, I finally turned the knob, and showed myself out, closing the door behind me. I just walked out on the love of my life.
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