Robnipulate (verb): to touch and/or retouch "Robert Pattinson" with skillful hands, by the use of mechanical means.

RobNip™ 5.3 – Bag Boy Rob

You’re rushing home, running late already, when you realize that you still haven’t picked up any snacks for the party you’re hosting tonight. You run through the aisles, throwing things in your cart, then head to the checkout. As you check out, you hear, “paper or plastic?” You look up and gasp. Because standing there next to you is fuckhawt Bag Boy Rob.


I'm banging you with my eyes

You manage to stutter out that you’d like paper. Bag Boy Rob says, “you’re looking a little frazzled. Can I help you carry these bags to your car?” You nod dumbly and step out of his way, brushing him slightly — accidentally *coughonpurposecough*, of course — on the way. As he walks to your car, you stare at his sculpted ass and dream. Until you walk right into him… He laughs softly and winks at you, letting you know that he’s aware of what you’ve been doing. You thank him for his help and say, “you can unload in me any day. Erm, unload me. Um, I mean, um, carry my load… Oh hell.” Bag Boy Rob laughs again and says “I’d love to.” And with those three words, your day has suddenly gotten infinitely better…

5 responses

  1. Oh Bag Boy Rob, where were you today?

    October 29, 2009 at 10:37 am

    • rpattzlawyer

      He was with me 😉

      October 29, 2009 at 10:38 am

  2. I can’t believe you didn’t bring your own re-usable bags! Haha!

    October 29, 2009 at 10:38 am

    • rpattzlawyer

      You’re right. Bag Boy Rob would be very environmentally conscious… Next time.

      October 29, 2009 at 3:02 pm

  3. Nancy

    LOL! Oh how I love Bag Boy Rob…hehe

    October 29, 2009 at 10:40 am

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