RobNip™ 68.1 – Robster’s Dicktionary: Penis Edition
Yes, lucky readers, it’s time for us to once again turn to the Robster’s Dickionary for more important terms. We here at RobNipulations are dedicated to increasing your vocabulary. Today’s topic is something close to all of our hearts — the PENIS.
We present you with this list of penis euphemisms, and some Rob-related commentary
A – Ass Cleaver (This is one of Rob’s BFF’s favorites)
B – Big Boy Beanpole (Magical, and grows so big and tall - just like in a fairy tale)
C – Chicksicle ( You like ‘em cold and sparkly, right? And perfect for licking!)
E – Elephant Trunk (That’s what Water for Elephants is about, right?)
F – Fallopian Fiddler (Play my parts anytime, baby!)
G – Godzilla (*smirk* @RebyKay)
H – Heat-Seeking Moisture Missile (What can I say? Hot, moist — exactly!)
I – Impregnator Injector (Shoot me up anytime)
J – Joy Juicer (Nom nom nom)
K – King Dong (Clearly)
L – Lickin’ Stick (It’s like I always say, ell eye LICKY see kay LICKY why)
M – Melon Baster (*splash*)
N – Nine Inch Nudger (Ummm, yes, please!)
O – One-Eyed Wonder Worm (the Eighth – or eight inch? - Wonder of the World)
P – Purple Pulsating Pillar of Power (Purple is cool.)
Q – Quantum Jizzix (My preferred area of study)
R – Robinator (Always, always — he cums back!)
S – Sparkly Tickler (You want to know if he really sparkles down there, dontcha?)
T – Tom’s Toy Thumb (Heh)
U – Uterus Unicorn (Y’all remember Prancing Unicorn Rob, right?)
V – Vulva Volvo (Mmm, you can park your Volva in my special place)
W – Womb Warrior (Always ready to conquer)
X – Xstacy Stick (You know some stickin’ would cause some ecstacy!)
Y – Yum Yang (Like Chinese food — you eat some and you always want some more later)
Z – Zamboner (Absolutely necessary to keep one’s special rink open for play)
The soundtrack for today’s post is clearly Shontelle’s Licky (Under the Covers)
Thanks to @thedailydogfood, @sarahnxx, and @RobsButtonsBabe for entries. Thanks also to the Elitefitness.com forum and various sites on the interwebs for inspiration and terms as well!
RobNip™ 66.1 – Rob’s Words of Advice re: Job Interviews
As we start the New Year, we realized that you, the brilliant and amazing readers of RobNipulations, might want to turn to Rob, and utilize his own experience and wisdom to help you accomplish your goals this year.
Therefore, we are happy to bring to you: Rob’s Words of Advice
Our first question is from a current job-hunter.
Question: I’m nervous about a job interview I have coming up, what should I do?
Rob says: Take a half, err, a quarter of a valium and you’ll do great.
We all know that advice worked out well for Rob, and hopefully it will for you, too, job-seeker!
Stay tuned for more of Rob’s Words of Advice!
RobNip™ 65.2 – Ugly Christmas Sweater Party Rob
Who doesn’t love a festive Christmas party? Ugly Christmas Sweater Rob is definitely ready to party!
Yes, he may have “borrowed” this cardigan from your mother’s closet. He’s also rocking the jazz hands and Santa Hat. This leads me to believe that perhaps Rob dipped into the holiday adult beverage refreshments in the process of getting ready, and well before his actual arrival at the party. That’s alright with me. After all, who doesn’t find sloshed Rob adorable -remember his “vocaaaayshun” outburst?
I think I’ll get my party on as well. After all — zippers are meant for unzipping, trousers are meant for dropping, and skirts are meant for lifting. That sounds like a part with Ugly Sweater Rob to me!
RobNip™ 64.4 – Snow Shoveling Rob
I really, really needed some help with shoveling the snow this morning. I was lazy in bed with someone excessively hot and very naked when I mused aloud about my concerns that we’d be snowed in. As my stash of hot pockets and Heinie was rapidly dwindling after a few days of “fun,” my extremely helpful friend offered to shovel the walk for me.
While it’s true that he looks quite cold, the view from behind is lovely isn’t it? And not to worry, any cold-induced shriveling that occurs will be remedied as soon as my snow-shoveling friend returns indoors. In the meantime, I thought I’d share my own special Christmas-time memories with you by posting this picture.
Oh crap, I’m being informed that this visage (and memory) were created by the very talented RobsButtonsBabe. It’s okay, I’ll cherish it as my own anyway!
You can, too! Think of it as a gift from the girls at RobNipulations to you!
RobNip™ 64.3 – Gingerbread Man Rob
Oh dear! Gingerbread Man Rob is in a bit of sticky situation! You see, this pup finds Gingerbread Man Rob’s sticky bits as exciting and tasty and sweet and spicy as you and I might. While Rob is surely made for devouring, I doubt this is what he had in mind. And that button is most assuredly not made of gumdrops, if you know what I mean. Buttons, buttons, suddenly I have buttons on the brain. Kinda like @RobsButtonsBabe!
Don’t worry, Rob, we can make it all better with liberal application of some frosting. We’ll fix-up those bits of yours and ensure that they are sticky-yummy-lickable, perfect for the girls at RobNipulations — who have been known to have an appetite for licking, I mean, who have been known to have a sweet tooth.
Suddenly, I’m hungry for . . . gingerbread!
RobNip™ 64.1 – Naughty Santa Rob
As we get closer and closer to Christmas, I must admit that I have visions of something dancing in my head… not sugarplums, visions more like this. Baby, it’s cold outside — what I need to get it hot in herrrrre is some Naughty Santa Rob!
First, I’m gonna sit on his lap. Santa Rob would like a lap dance, dontcha think? Thankfully, my lil elf dress is very short and quite accommodating! Then I’m gonna demonstrate my mad skillz, including the ability to remove that big ole belt buckle without using my hands. I’m gonna offer Naughty Santa Rob his favorite snack, my “sugar cookie.” Next, I’m gonna whisper in his ear and ask for my very special present, something I want in my box… Can you guess what it is?
RobNip™ 63.2 – Santa and his Robdeer
Nothing like Rob in a harness to put me in the Christmas spirit! While it’s true that sentiments like those are likely to put me on the “naughty” list — quite frankly, I’m fine with that. After all, who wouldn’t wanna jump Rob looking so fly and spry and tied up? He looks so, ummm, energetic, and up for anything, if you know what I mean.
I know I wanna tell him to giddy up so I can go for a ride! I’m pretty sure one of these Robdeer could take me around the world in a very long, hot, sweaty steamy, lovely night. After working so hard, and getting all lathered up, I’ll give my Robdeer a really good rubdown.
Clearly Santa is giver because look! There are *four* Robdeer. I plan on delivering one to each of my RobNipulations hoors, reins in hand. Have fun, ladies!
Note from RBB: Yes, I had to JUMP *snicker* on the Jumping Rob Train.. errr rather sleigh for this manip. It was too funny not to!
RobNip™ 62.2 – Super Hello Kitty Rob
Oh Rob, my super hero! Mmmm, you’re the only one who, in this guise, can make Hello Kitty HOTTTT on a man. Truly only you could pull off the magenta. Thankfully those briefs fit snugly but . . . it would be even more fun to peel them and those tights right off.
Oh yes, I could be your superhero and grant freedom to those parts of you that have been so cruelly constrained. FREEDOM TO THE MAN PARTS!
RobNip™ 61.2 – Fashion Fail Rob
Oh dear, Fashion Fail Rob is trying his hand at walking the catwalk once again… you may remember the disastrous results during Fashion Week.
This time, Rob is showing off the abs he worked on so hard for those beach scenes in Breaking Dawn. Rob also demonstrates that his manscaping only extends so far, that he believes a gentleman should always tuck in his shirt, and that he loves Pucci-like abstract prints.
Hmm, something seems to be missing from this pic… Something big and important. Wait, do they make tape for that? You know, tape that sh** down? Kind of like the tuckage that caused us all so much chagrin?
Whatever the means used to minimize his, umm assets, I definitely call this a fashion fail!
RobNip™ 59.2 – Fuckhawt Fanfic: Tennisward
Hmm, I see a big old bulge in that pocket… Tennis Rob reaches in and… oh, pulls out his balls.
I’m not surprised to see Rob handling his large, fuzzy balls. He’s English, they’re not big into manscaping, are they? I love to play with balls! Cupping them, rolling them around in my hands, nuzzling them, yum yum yum!
Ohhhh, you mean he’s handling THOSE kind of balls! Not nearly as fun! But scores from zero to three are “love.” I could score three times and it would be love?!? I agree to that! Let’s play!
And now for some fuckhawt Tennis Rob Fanfic!!
RobNip™ 58.2 – Unbound Captives Rob
Unbound Captives Rob, after being raised by the Comanche into a lean, loin-cloth-wearing warrior, remembers nothing of his mother or his former life.
Look, frankly, I’m relieved. I’d much rather see him stealthily stalking prey in this get-up than in a coonskin hate and britches, ya know what I mean? All that vitamin D, fresh air, and exercise has got to do a body good, amiright? Just look at the pic again, wipe away the drool, and nod your head up and down.
Admit it, you’re all excited now to see Rob in Unbound Captives. And none of you will notice whether or not he’s actually speaking Comanche.
RobNip™ 58.1 – King Robert
Oh Rob, we already know you’re like royalty. What’s with the ermine coat and the funky hair? You wanted to rock a bob like me?
I guess as an American I just don’t get the appeal of King Robert. However, he assures me that it is, indeed, good to the be the king. After all, King Robert has fair maidens (or better yet, tawdry vixens) at his disposal, to rid him of his robes, divest him of his ruffles, and enjoy a good smack on the ass after those gloves are peeled off.
King Robert assures me that he’s wearing a happy crown somewhere else. I think it is my duty to determine what his majesty desires at the moment. I also think it is my duty to determine whether King Rob is indeed blessed in all ways.
Wait, what? He’s saying something about how I hafta get on my knees to taste his nobility?
I’ll catch you guys later.
RobNip™ 57.3 – Ernest Hemingway Rob
On Rob’s next stop in his review of great writers in honor of NaNoWriMo, Rob pays homage to American journalist and author Ernest Hemingway.
Ernest Hemingway Rob is ready for a life of adventures, travels, and a series of wives. Booze, women, seeing the world — you see how this might appeal to Rob!
Here we see Ernest Hemingway Rob on safari, triumphant over the king of the beasts! Rob is, indeed, the king in all ways that matters. You also know I like the way handles his big, ummm, weapon.
However, I plan on taking that away from him and distracting him before he sinks too quickly into the role of Ernest Hemgingway Rob. After all, we all want Rob to have only “happy endings.” In fact, I think I’ll provide him with one, stat!
RobNip™ 57.2 – Edgar Allan Poe Rob
In honor of NaNoWriMo, Rob pays us a visit doing his best impression of Edgar Allan Poe!
Rob does the poor tortured artist thing to a tee and is especially hot in the moody period clothes. Like Poe, he’s a risk-taker, willing to make his livelihood through his passion. After beer-soaked nights, I’m sure he wakes up, head pounding, to the tintinnabulation of the bells. Much like Poe, I’m sure he’s inspired by many a muse, some lovely Annabel Lee . Oh Rob, I’ll be happy to inspire you — however, I’d prefer to do that with my mad skillz, rather than by dying.
Rob is apparently tired of his entirely authentic wool underthings, saying he’ll wear them “nevermore.” Give us a little privacy so I can relieve him of his discomfort and “inspire” his next work of art!
Rob-O-Ween 2.3 – The Situation Rob
For Halloween, Rob is ready to let out those killer abs again. Wait, what killer abs? Oh, these abs are courtesy of his Michael “The Situation” Sorrentino costume! Instead of airbrushed, these abs are foamtastic, and rather than pale sparkles, these abs come in a lovely shade of orange known as “fake tan.” The half-shirt remains optional. In fact, The Situation Rob wants to see YOU in that half shirt!
As The Situation, Rob is ready to embrace the concepts of fitness, augmented beauties, and multi-person hot-tubbing. He’s ready to try his hand at rap (again) and guzzle some vodka. He can even dance! Now I may not be augmented myself, but The Situation Rob sounds fun, at least in a drunken Halloween-y way. And that New Jersey accent is kinda cute, right?
I may treat The Situation Rob to a shot or three in honor of Rob-O-Ween!
Heh, I just said “Rob” and “ween” in the same sentence.
Rob-O-Ween 1.3 – AdamBert and EveStu
Oh Rob, how kind of you to include TomStu in your Halloween shenanigans! That’s right, Rob and Tom are ready to perform tricks for treats as Adam and Eve.
AdamBert and EveStu cover up their glorious (pasty) English skin with bodysuits, accessorized with the latest in fig leaves. Now, as cute as they look, I think the costumes would be much more, ummm authentic convincing FUN if they went sans clothing. It is true that the fig leaves might be itchy, but I am well-prepared with some lovely, soothing lotion I’d be willing to slather on any sensitive areas.
I’ve also got some candy right here for you, boys. And a milkshake. Or a beer. Or three. I’ve stocked up with just the right treats and my Garden of Eden is a very welcoming place to be. I’ll even handle that pesky “snake” for you.
AdamBert and EveStu, you ready for your treats?
RobNip™ 54.4 – KY Jelly Rob
When it’s time to really party, Rob knows it’s time to bust out the KY Jelly — the most fun social lubricant ever! After all, there’s nothing else that will make conversation quite so smooth and social interaction quite so slippery and fun as KY!
Right now, Rob is putting that splendiferous jelly to good use as he’s ready to referee two scantily clad “friends,” ready to wrestle in the stuff for the opportunity to get up close, person, and lubricated with Rob!
I think we’ve firmly established that the entire RobNipulations staff would be more than ready, willing, and able to take on any girl in a KY Jelly wrestling match to get up close and personal with KY Rob. In fact, I’m pretty sure both @RobsButtsonBabe and @AngryBadgerGirl could school Rob on fun, fun uses for the stuff. Don’t worry, @rpattzlawyer and I would hold our own. We’d have to draft TomStu for picture-taking duty, ’cause I know I’d want photos of both the girl-wrestling and the boy-girl wrestling for my personal scrapbook.
Oh, yes, we’re definitely ready to party with KY Rob!
RobNip™ 54.1 – Balloon Rob
Rob is always ready for a party, and it’s definitely PARTY TIME!
Rob is putting his blowing skills and powerful lungs to good use as we prepare for our party by blowing up balloons! Happily, Rob has given up on inflating condoms, realizing they can be put to a much better use!
Hmm, I wonder if Rob would be willing to make me a balloon animal, perhaps if I ask very nicely? I would like to see him craft a fun balloon shape with those really looooong balloons, Oooh, in fact want him to make me a balloon animal with one long balloon, maybe two smaller round ones and . . . hmm, what could he make with those? Lemme think on that.
Oh dear, Rob may have overextended himself with all that blowing, he’s looking sort of faint, almost like he might need some sort of mouth-to-mouth resuscitation. Hey, could you guys finish blowing up these balloons? I think I am gonna have to perform some “rescue breathing” on Rob. Also, umm, could you go ahead on into the other room while you blow? This kind of mouth-to-mouth requires a little privacy…
RobNip™ 53.3 – Strip Poker Rob
Oh yeah, it’s really time to PARTY! That’s right, party boy Rob is moving to the big time with STRIP POKER! Rob has no qualms about handling his “chips” when seated next to a buxom beauty who’s willing to put every last bit of clothing on the line for her winning hand.
Wait, winning hand? Clearly, whichever hand is handling Rob’s “poke-her equipment” is the winning hand, right? I can so “hold ‘em” if you know what I mean. Does strip poker have “ball girls,” because I wanna apply for that job! Hey, I’m totally cool with the whole “clothing optional” vibe, and I would be extraordinarily dedicated to my job, always willing to gently stack and lovingly polish Rob’s, errr, chips. When his own hands get tired, I’ve got two of my own. Heck, I’m entirely willing to put my mouth where my, ummm, mouth is. Wait, I mean, put my mouth on the money shot. Or, err, all this talk of money and money shots and hands and and handling and poking has me confused, how does the saying go?
I’m sorry, Strip Poker Rob has me both frazzled and flummoxed. I think I need some “private time” to get my, ummm, thoughts in order.
RobNip™ 52.3 – Getting a Wax Rob
You know Rob, he’s always up for new experiences! Some, however, don’t work out quite as planned…
After hearing one too many jokes about his hairy ass, Rob has decided to hire a professional to help him to clear the brush in his manforest. Yep, Rob is getting waxed!
As anyone who has bitten the bullet knows, there just aren’t words to describe the sensation of having someone rip the hair out of your sensitive parts by the root, over and over and over. After just a couple of strips being pulled, Rob is very concerned about what he has gotten himself into. After all, aren’t Englishmen supposed to be pale and not entirely groomed? Surely, manscaping isn’t really all that manly? And — OHMIGOD that one fricken hurt — from the excessive cussing and the expression on his face, I’m fairly certain that Rob may not come out of this entirely smooth and hair-free.
It’s okay Rob, I’ll rub some lotion on you and kiss your owies all better!
RobNip™ 51.3 – Beer Pong Rob and Company
Today we find Rob and BFFs Tom and Sam doing what they do best — yep, practicing their number one intramural sport, Beer Pong.
They may look a little glassy eyed and happy, but we love seeing scruffy Rob cheering on his mates! TomStu looks like his aim is a little shaky, but honestly, at this point in the evening, well after many a pint has been drained, I don’t think anyone really minds.
I am pretty sure that Beer Pong Rob needs a designated driver to take him home. In fact, I’m volunteering right now to tuck him right where he needs to be — in my bed. And I think his friends need rides too.
I’m leaving it up to you, our dedicated readers, to find nice, soft, fluffy beds for Sam and Tom!
RobNip™ 50.3 - Jock Rob
Oh Jock Rob, thank you for reminding us about the importance of the collegiate study body. This body must be cared for, nourished, washed, preferably by tongue, wait, excuse, me, what was I saying?
Yes, Jock Rob is gifted in the ball-handling department, with deft hands and graceful moves, on the field and in the shower. Locker rooms have showers, right? Big showers, with walls to be pushed up against and . . .
Whoops, I got distracted again. Have I mentioned that I am a HUGE fan of the collegiate athlete, well at least this particular collegiate athlete. Well at least of certain huge things on this particular athlete.
I’m well-prepared to run some drills with you Jock Rob and to tutor in all of your classes, especially the lab portion of human sexuality. There isn’t a lab portion to the class? It appears I’ve been misled . . . but surely there are certain things you can do for extra credit. I’ll think of . . . something.
RobNip™ 49.1 - Labor Day Rob
Today is the day that we celebrate all of those who have labored — by taking the day off! Labor Day Rob helps us to remember the most important labor of all — the labor of love that is motherhood!
Yep, Labor Day Rob is willing to relive all of those memories with you — the dilating, the cussing, the “ring of fire” (if you’ve delivered the old fashioned way, you know EXACTLY what I mean), pushing out the shoulders (gah, that boy is broad-shouldered), one more push for that giant head and finally the doctor announcing, triumphantly, “It a BOY!”
Rob is not willing, however, to relive the whole “to snip or not snip” debate. He’s decided it’s time to be a big boy again and head out for some beer.
The RobNipulations staff wish you and yours a restful Labor Day, and to the mothers out there who have been through labor and delivery — a great big thanks and a high five.
An extra-special thank you goes out to Rob’s mom — without her, none of what we do would be possible! Thanks for bringing the gorgeousness that is Rob into our world!
RobNip™ 48.4 - Opthalmologist Rob
It’s very important that we all take care of our eyes. After all, our eyes are what we use to eyefuck see the glory that is Rob. Thankfully, Opthalmologist Rob is here to make sure that our peepers are in fine working order.
Dr. Rob is working his Blue Steel while he peers into your eyes. He’s also working those pink scrubs — I think it’s a good look for him, don’t you? Hmm… I need Dr. Rob to come a little closer, yeah, maybe there’s something in my left eye, no closer still, right about. . . there. Whoops, did I accidentally grope you, Dr. Rob? And pull you right onto on this very handy reclining examining chair? I am very sorry, but as long as you’re here, would it be alright if I conduct an examination of my own?
Oooh yeah, perfect, just like THAT!
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